1. So this is it? I’m graduating?
The realization that I’ve finished four years of college—okay, five ‘cause I slacked off WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEE—hasn’t sunk in yet, but here I am. It seems like just a while ago, I was a kid in a stupid outfit feeling awkward at freshman orientation, and now I’m about to go out into the ~*real world*~.
2. No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers’ dirty looks!
I can already see it in my head: I’ll be spending my days sending out job applications online and catching up on my fave TV shows instead of crying over my thesis and meeting with groupmates I hate for group projects I hate. IT SOUNDS LIKE HEAVEN ON EARTH.
3. But there won’t be any summer breaks and sem breaks to look forward to, either.
Once I start working, I’ll only have weekends off. WEEKENDS. I’m gonna need time to process that.
4. Hold up—what am I going to do after college?
It seems like everyone in my family has an opinion on what I should be doing with my life. Everyone except me. While I’m in the process of figuring that out, I’ll have to mooch off my parents a little longer because I WILL BE POOR AS SHIT.
5. Am I even going to practice my major?
I DON’T KNOW. ASK ME AN EASIER QUESTION.
6. A few of my batchmates already have job offers, and we’re not even out of college yet.
Umm…Should I be worried that I haven’t applied for any jobs AT ALL?
7. Okay, so what do I put on my resume—or is it curriculum vitae? They’re, like, the same thing, right?
I can barely fill a page, and I’ve already listed all the clubs I joined in high school. I AM A LOSER AND NO ONE WILL EVER HIRE ME.
8. What am I saying? Of course someone will hire me.
I’m “self-motivated” (I can get up to an alarm clock), I have “great communication skills” (I talk enough for two people), and I can do whatever’s listed on those JobStreet postings (or I can learn!). And pretty soon, I’m going to have a “bachelor’s degree” to wave in prospective employers’ faces. HA!
9. Whatever. I’ll figure it out along the way.
I’ll have all the time in the world to think about my “plans,” my “career,” and my “future” once I’m out of college. In the meantime, who wants to get drunk? We’re graduating!!!
10. Now, this is important: What do I wear to the graduation ceremony?
I need to buy a nice dress and new shoes, choose the right accessories, have my hair and makeup done…Hey, I only graduate from college once.
11. YAAAAAASSSSS. I’m finally graduating.
I will officially be an alumna of my university! (And yes, it’s “alumna,” not “alumnus,” since I’m female. Thanks, education!)
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