1. You definitely choose your extracurriculars based on free food.
It's not that you're not into all your mind-expanding, super-fun extracurriculars, but you are more into the idea of free fooooood. Less people are going to drag their asses to basketball than the newspaper meeting, but for pizza, you're in, dammit.
2. Freshman boys are toddlers. Senior boys have beer bellies.
Is there no in between? What if you're not into hooking up with babies or washed-up old men? Yes, there's a junior year sweet spot, but it passes as quickly as his 21 birthday beers do through his beloved funnel.
3. The Future is on your mind as often as where tonight's pregame is and whether or not you have enough vodka for it.
Maybe because your parents ask you how them internship apps are coming every time you talk to them. Or maybe because Jess who graduated last year hashtags #funemployment a lot and it doesn't really look that #fun.
4. You love your roommate Sarah, but why is Sarah literally always chilling in your room?
Sarah! Please! I know you're just trying to watch the first season of Orange Is The New Black in peace, but I am trying to change in my room, so can you turn around? Just for a minute? Every day, you miss your bathroom at home and privacy.
5. You deserve Absolut, but you get [anonymous plastic jug vodka].
It is so bad and it is so cheap and it gets you so drunk.
6. You find yourself prioritizing instant Pancit Canton over textbooks.
The thing about Pancit Canton is that it is cheap and it warms your soul. Textbooks don't do those things.
7. You seriously consider stealing textbooks from the bookstore.
See above. For one semester's worth of books, you could literally live on Pancit Canton until you're 26 and decide you're not into the whole #funemployment thing either.
8. If you have a car, it's no longer yours.
You can never drive Big Red because one of your girl friends is always borrowing it. If you don't have a car, it's chill just borrow your roommates'!
9. There's always someone in your bed.
Not sexually, "just crashing."
10. Org party FOMO is disturbingly real.
In your heart of hearts you know that wine and Disney singalong night with your three best friends is the best, but that doesn't mean you're not going to scroll through your Instagram six times and wonder if this JMA party is different than all the other JMA parties.
11. Trying to wrangle all your girl friends before you leave an org party.
Jen, where's Sarah?! I will not leave Sarah here! Oh there she is. OK, don't move, Sarah, I'm going to find Jess!
12. Your closet is the entire sale rack of Forever 21 and yet you have nothing to wear.
So you ransack Sarah's closet determinedly—only to find the exact same things. Back to the mall it is.
13. All your clothes meet their end when Sarah insists she's "totally the same size."
She'll pay you back! (She never pays you back.)
14. Everyone told you that these are the best four years of your life and you live in a constant quiet panic believing it.
Dude! No! Real Life is basically college minus midterms. Kinda. Don't worry about it. Maybe get your fill of 11 a.m. happy hours now, though.
This article orginally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been amde by the Cosmo.ph editors.