1. Pizza is not a food group.
And your diet completely affects every area of your life. I swear if you eat like one green thing per day you will have brighter skin and more energy to make it to that pilates class.
2. Obsessing about whether that douchebag will text you back is a waste of time.
Que sera sera. That is French for "That asshole is going to wind up alone." Use that energy to focus on your own shit. Bad men don't change. It also doesn't matter whether you don't think they're bad in general—just bad to you. Same thing.
3. Unrequited love is real, and briefly life-ruining, unfortunately.
People will break your heart, you'll break people's hearts, everyone will basically throw their hearts in the air and watch as they shatter on the pavement. That's why there are so many sad love songs. NBD. We all get over it in time.
4. Never drink on an empty stomach.
At one point, you will very likely have to Google "what is this yellow stuff i just threw up?" (It's bile.)
5. Nothing good happens after 2 A.M.
Literally nothing. Plus, it's harder to get a cab.
6. You don't have to party all the time.
This ain't college. See #1: If you treat your body like a boozy shit warehouse, you'll start getting depressed, unfocused, and generally unpleasant to be near. Give yourself that one or two days a week to stay home, have a green juice and salmon filet, watch New Girl, and let your liver breathe.
7. In real life, nobody gives a fuck about high school.
Were you popular and expect it to carry over? Nobody cares. Were you a "loser" and do you still have a chip on your shoulder about it? Nobody cares. Clean slate.
Even if you've been friends with a girl since preschool, if she has turned into a heinous humblebragging underminer who subtly puts you down and makes you feel worthless, it's better in the long run to vaporize the friendship. Nostalgia be damned.
9. Drunk sex is actually not conducive to good sex.
Alcohol makes the decision to go have sex super-easy, but it makes actually having sex harder, because it reduces the sexual sensitivity in both men and women. He might not get hard enough, you might not get wet enough, and then you could have this dude passed out in your bed with you all night even though you didn't even do it. Who wants that?
10. You need insurance.
Really. You need it. Do you hear me?
11. Always carry flats with you if you'll be wearing heels for a long time.
It is such a relief.
12. Budget, because being broke sucks.
No need to axe something big that's very important to you, unless it's a gambling addiction or something, but making baon a few times a week goes a long way.
13. Learn how to say what you want in bed.
After not having orgasms through most of your twenties because you're getting the jackhammer treatment. Or after a dude flips you over without asking and tries to go for the butt. It's something you need to get comfortable talking about.
14. You are entitled to nothing.
Please don't be one of those people who says the name of the college they went to over and over in order to remind people that they're smart. Don't make your resumé more than one page.
15. Quit that job you hate or it will ruin every other area of your life.
As soon as possible, preferably without mooching off your parents. (Sorry: There's an expiration date on that.) Just work really hard to find another job. Don't let inertia strike you, work there for two years and complain about it all the time.
16. Not every twentysomething girl's goals are the same, and nobody should be judged.
Maybe one of your friends is married. And another one is pregnant. And another one is a single executive assistant. And another one is working for free on a commune and hasn't washed her hair in a month. Just because your vision for your life isn't the same as them doesn't mean you need to "rank" them all in terms of your definition of success.
17. This isn't your trial-period "pre-adulthood."
This is your adulthood. It already started. You are officially a Real, and decisions you make in your twenties will affect the rest of your life. That said, worrying and kvetching about "life in your twenties" won't make it easier. You need to take control.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.