1. Most of what we know about men, we learned from him.
Nope, not from his wise words or any of that deep shit, but rather that boys tend to pee on toilet seats and live in basketball shorts.
2. Yep, our standards for guys are pretty damn high, because if he's hilarious/great/fun to be around—you can be too, right?
3. But, er, definitely not as high as his—and he takes all sorts of pleasure in letting us/you know that.
If you wanna be our lover, you better impress our brother ASAP.
4. We'll either LOVE watching sports and watch it with you at every available opportunity, or dread the thought of you even suggesting we settle down to watch NBA.
5. He'll definitely try to get you drunk within the first month of meeting you.
Y'know, because bromances are apparently defined by how much you can drink and whether you've got a 3 or 4 bottle limit.
6. We probably have interests that you wouldn't expect because he hammered them into us throughout childhood.
Including but not exclusive to: Lego, sports, anime, etc.
7. There are gonna be big problems if you don't get along, and we will definitely tell you about them until they're resolved.
8. We'll make a real effort to get along with your siblings because we know how important family is.
9. Your relationship with your own siblings is important to us, too.
We're not claiming that we know everything there is to know about relationships, but we might nag you about how important your siblings are.
10. He probably knows a lot about our relationship and I definitely gave him a full fact file about you before you met him.
11. We might get him better presents than we get you sometimes, and we promise it doesn't mean we didn't put lots of thought into yours, it's just that he really really deserves the expensive shoes and you're happy with a Fred Perry T-shirt.
12. We're pretty used to boyish behavior, but that doesn't mean we're more OK with it than we otherwise would be.
In other words, farting and burping at the dinner table is still disgusting.
13. Don't worry, we don't tell him EVERYTHING.
You're safe in the knowledge anything sex/lame-related stories stay way out of our brothers' business.
14. Don't be offended if we don't invite you to see him every time we do.
We absolutely love the fact you get on and like seeing each other, but sometimes we just need brother/sister time.
15. But that doesn't mean the idea of a double date with you, him and his significant other isn't the BEST THING EVER in our eyes.
So how does pizza/beer/bowling with them next weekend sound?
16. We're good at speedy comebacks and know how to argue, because we spent most of our childhood doing it with him over who ate the last bit of cake.
17. We have a lot of lame inside jokes from when you were children and know exactly what the other one is about to say just from the type of laugh they're doing.
18. We're probably never going to love you more than him, but we will love you for different reasons and in a different way just the same. <3
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.co.uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.