1. This is the year you will turn 23, which is very nearly your mid-twenties. Which is old. So old.
2. Research suggests that 23 is the worst year of a person's life, FYI. Because your relationships fall apart and your job/living situation/mental state is rubbish. So that's fun to look forward to.
3. And according to blink-182, nobody likes you when you're 23. Someone will probably play this at your birthday. Humanity's cruelty knows no bounds.
4. Just as you were getting used to being the youngest in the office, BAM. The next year of graduates just appeared, and they're all geniuses. Damnit.
5. Which means your hilarious "youngest person in the office" jokes—like, '"God, 26 is so OLD" and "what's a radio?" don't even work anymore. It's like the universe is conspiring against us all.
6. On that note, you've probably been working for at least a year and it's HARD. Having to work all the time to buy food and clothing is really difficult. Why didn't anyone mention that?
7. People in your office keep calling you young, when really you are OLD, SO OLD. Dear LORD, please can the 30-year-olds be a little bit more supportive when we're wailing about our upcoming 25th in two years, please?
8. And they're always expecting you to know things about technology and slang. But you don't. Ask the 19-year-old.
9. Your FB timeline isn't filled with engagements, just the occasional diamond ring photo from that one girl from high school you don't really care about. You're not even old enough for your friends to have exciting weddings yet. Everything is awful.
10. And there are SO many breakups. Everyone you know has come out of college and realized their boyfriends and girlfriends are the worst. What a miserable time.
11. But people are already expecting you to start thinking about settling down. The other day someone mentioned that they want to be engaged by 26, and you almost wept.
12. Or, they expect you to have a fun, wild dating life. But the most action you get is repetitive strain injury from swiping on Tinder. Swiping left, because all men your age are terrible.
13. The only celeb men your age still seem like children, so it's creepy to lust after them. A sampler: Zayn Malik. Why must all things turn to dust and regret?
14. And all the famous women born in 1993 are strangely successful Disney stars. You don't even get to be in the cool club of Taylor Swift (1989) or Gigi Hadid (born in 1995. Dear Lord). You're competing with Ariana Grande and Victoria Justice. Things are so difficult.
16. You can't use the "I just graduated from college" excuse for not having your shit, because it's been over a year. BRB, weeping.
17. And so suddenly your rubbish job and poor health choices aren't cute or funny anymore. Doesn't seem fair, does it?
18. And living at home is reaching the point where it isn't socially acceptable. BUT IT'S CHEAP. Please?
19. People are always bashing on your '90s kid status because you were under the age of 7 for all of it. Yes, I do remember Walkmans and dial-up tones. I was born in 1993, not 2000. Where is our sense of belonging? Such despair.
20. But to be fair, you did grow up just as the internet was becoming a thing. So you're entirely dependent on your smartphone and the existence of wi-fi. THE STRUGGLE.
21. You've just realized that you forgot to do that traveling thing immediately after college and working is your actual proper life now. Where has your youth gone?
22. The struggle of paying your own bills is very VERY real.
23. Justin Bieber, Kylie Jenner, and Dakota Fanning are one year younger than you. And they've, like, done things. We have wasted our lives.
24. You had a major baduy phase in high school and those pictures occasionally come back to haunt you. We can never escape our past.
25. You only have two more years to write that book/go to Japan/get your dream job. Remember how you said you'd have all of that done by 25? Time to get going.
THE HORROR, OH THE HORROR.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.co.uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.