1. Aren't you so freaked out about turning 30?
Nope! Any big birthday carries a weight with it, but life doesn't stop when you're 30. In fact, I have tons of fabulous friends who are already in their 30s and doing even more amazing things—with confidence—than they were in their 20s. Mostly I just want to be them when I grow up!
2. Don't you think you're too old for that?
Grown men play video games all the time. George Bush just jumped out of a freaking plane for his 90th birthday. There's no age limit on your driver's license for going out dancing until 4 a.m., or anything really.
3. (If you're single) You'll find someone soon.
They always come when you least expect it. This may sound helpful in theory, but it just comes out patronizing every time. Last time I checked, there was no law against being single if I want to be, and if I don't, you're just making me feel worse about the soul-sucking agony that is dating in your late 20s.
4. (If you have a significant other) So when are you getting married?
When we're ready to. Bye.
5. (If you're married) So when are you having kids?
At its most basic level, this is just a rude question, and for many people the answer will be the same as No. 4's. But for another great many people, the answer to this question could be quite emotionally loaded: infertility, a history of miscarriage you don't know about, or maybe, quite simply, they don't want children.
6. By the time I was your age, I already had two kids.
That's great if that's what you wanted when you were my age. But at this point in my life, I'd rather take a vacation to Australia.
7. Does it make you feel bad that [younger person] has what you don't?
Sometimes, yes, thanks for asking! It's hard not to feel a little bit bad for myself when my Facebook news feed is literally only weddings and babies some weekends—but then I remember my cool job and my fun weekend at the beach and my dog and all the fun stuff I do have.
8. I can't believe you already have wrinkles/gray hair.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.