1. When you're drunk.
You're not in the right mind to be typing away on your status update field, and anything you come up with might turn out to be embarrassing gibberish you’ll regret once you’re sober (“LETS GT TURNT UP TONGHT BITCHZZZ!!!!!”). And in the first place, why are you on Facebook when you’re having this much real, actual fun? Put that phone away and just down another shot.
2. When you’re ranting about work or your boss.
Do you want to lose your job? Or in this case, lose it even before you get it? Just schedule a rant session with your similarly aggrieved coworkers, rant your boyfriend’s ear off, or do whatever you have to do to deal with the fact that you were made to do overtime for the third weekend in a row. Just don’t do it where anyone can easily screencap your rant, or have you forgotten that you’re actually friends with your boss on Facebook?
3. When you're angry at someone.
Even if it's just a patama post where you hint at your cheating ex or that bitch of a coworker without naming names, it still reflects poorly on you when you attack others in a public space. It’ll make other people wary of crossing you, fearing you’ll pull that stunt on them when they so much as disagree with you on the finer points of Justin Bieber’s image reinvention.
4. When you hold an extreme view on a sensitive topic, like religion or politics.
Unless you're actually looking for a heated debate with someone who holds the opposite opinion, in which case we’ll be over here, bowl of popcorn in hand, watching your comment thread blow up for entertainment.
5. When you’re having relationship problems.
Battle it out with your guy, bawl like a baby if you have to—but in private. You wouldn't want common friends—or worse, your dude's family and relatives—to see that there’s trouble in paradise, bombard you with their concern or whisper about your woes behind your back, and make the issue even bigger.
6. When you’re expecting a positive outcome from something that’s still pretty uncertain.
Maybe not gush online about an upcoming date if you haven’t even met the guy? You’ll only get people intrigued, and if he turns out to be a douche you wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole, guess who’s going to feel like a fool?
7. When you hear an unfounded rumor.
Don't add to the collective BS that's floating around on social media by keeping unfounded rumors to yourself, whether it’s gossip you hear within your own circle or suspicious articles masquerading as news that spread like wildfire because of other share-happy users. (That includes viral posts like that Facebook copyright message that is, once and for all, a hoax.)
8. When you’re doing anything that might harm your personal branding.
How you present your life online matters these days, with employers logging on to sites like Facebook to determine if a candidate is fit for a job. That photo of you chugging tequila straight from the bottle might broadcast what a fun-loving gal you are, but it ain’t gonna help you land that dream job in the wonderful world of finance. Rule of thumb: If you think there’s any chance something you post is going to come back and bite you in the ass someday, JUST DON’T.
9. When you miss your ex.
No, no, no, not now, just when your Facebook audience was starting to believe that you were over that bastard! Just suffer through this relapse and fight the urge to post that Adele song complete with a painful caption on your timeline, and you’ll be fine. Here, have some ice cream until the urge to post goes away.
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