No One Talks About How Lonely College Can Be—Here's How To Find Your People Anyway

People say college is all about networking, but why did no one mention that it could feel so lonely?

Finding your footing in college can be extra challenging. When your enlistment system already has you begging for a slot, having the same classes with your block can be the least of your worries. That is, until you step inside the classroom and realize that everyone looking back at you is a stranger. It feels like your game just restarted at level one.

Suddenly, you're plucked out of your comfort zone, and that "community" you were building slowly starts drifting away. Where do you go from here? As daunting as it might feel right now, it's not too late to discover your own found family. Here are five hard truths I learned after four years in college:

Every new relationship starts with meeting people. I know it can get scary to put yourself out there, especially when every group or org already seems tight-knit. But you're not meant to know everyone—literally, you only meet less than 1% of the world's population. 

Whether it's joining orgs, attending parties, or showing up to classes alone, take that risk to befriend people. Strike up small talk and find common ground. Sometimes it's gushing about your hobbies, or trauma bonding over your courses. You'll never know what topic can bridge the gap from strangers to friends.

Making friends is only the first step, and maintaining that relationship is often the more difficult quest. So, send that DM for an on-site hang and that spontaneous "how are you?" even if you know they're busy. You might think you're being a hassle, but you're actually showing that you care. And more often than not, they'll appreciate it!

If they end up declining, though, don't let that immediately deter you from asking again. But if the warning signs start showing up, they might not be as interested in nurturing the friendship. And that's okay. 🫂 Friendship is a two-way street, so if you feel like you're the only one putting in the work, it might be time to redirect your energy elsewhere.

With barkada culture being a strong center point of Filipino friendships, it can feel like you're supposed to find a friend group in every chapter of your life. But sometimes, it doesn't exactly work that way. In a group setting, you might meet maybe one or two people with whom you actually vibe with, and that's totally fine!

While group dynamics do play into the strength of a friendship, you still have to establish some level of one-on-one bond with each person. So don’t discount the individual friendships you've made in your search for a group. Maybe community isn't a single collective, but a collection of smaller spaces that all feel like home.

You're not meant to be best friends with everyone all the time. Some people might just be your study buddies, your party friends, or your orgmates. It's okay to maintain those boundaries and contexts where you get along.

Others, on the other hand, drift away, and you inevitably grow apart. Even if you're not close anymore, that doesn't erase the fact that, at some point in your life, you were.

Some friendships remain in the memories where they existed—and that's okay. Maybe they were just the right person at the right time. Your La La Land, if you will. You were meant to meet during that stage of your life to help shape who you are today.

It's easy to assume that the friends you make early in college are the ones who will last. So by your later years, you might choose to stay in your shell and remain within the realms of comfort. But senior year can still hold surprises!

Sometimes, it's when you meet a friend who just gets you without needing much explanation. It might even feel like a "Eureka!" moment—realizing that your share of friendship mishaps (or breakups) led you to the people worth keeping. After all, the best friendships aren't always the longest ones.