What To Do When Your Friend Becomes Your Groupmate (Before Things Get Complicated)

They say keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. But what happens when the friend you know and love suddenly feels like your biggest opp in the middle of a group project?

Required group projects have a way of bringing out the best and worst in us. Professors tell us that they are training grounds for the "real world." Well ... they’re not entirely wrong. Learning to work with people you didn’t choose is basically a rehearsal for when you start #adulting.

However, working with strangers can be daunting. So naturally, we often stay in our comfort zone. We scan the room, lock eyes with our friends, and cross our fingers that we can choose our own groupmates. Because what could go wrong with working with your friends?

A lot, actually.

There’s a specific kind of comfort and familiarity that only exists between friends, and as wonderful as it is, that same comfort is what makes group work complicated. When you’re close with someone, the boundaries between friend and groupmate get blurry fast. You set an internal deadline, one or two friends miss it, and you let it slide because … well, they’re your friends.

Maybe you're also the type to take on the "leader" role by default, the one creating the GC, initiating convos, and delegating tasks because it feels easier than asking. When all is said and hopefully done, you've somehow ended up doing more than your fair share.

Then, 10 minutes to 11:59 PM, a story pops up, posted an hour ago, of your friend outside doing everything except filling out their part of the slides. You placate yourself with the thought that maybe they’re almost done, because the alternative is an awkward
conversation you’re not ready to have.

So you say nothing.

Personally, I've spent years keeping the frustrations that came with working with friends to myself. I'd just wait for the project to end, collect the A's and 100's, and move on until eventually everything would go back to normal.

Spoiler alert! It doesn't. Because the things you tolerate have a way of building up until, one day, it shows up as resentment in ways you didn't expect.

Everyone says that there's a thin line between love and hate, and group projects often have a talent for cutting it clean. So what's the move? Here's how to survive a group project with your friendship—and your sanity—still intact.

Before the project or task even begins, establish your dynamics, talk about your work ethics, and share what works for you and what doesn't. And yes, this includes equally dividing tasks and being honest about what you actually can and can't deliver.

If you're not the type to reply to messages past 10 p.m., say so. If you're going to miss a deadline and need more time, let them know and don't just disappear and hope no one notices. And most importantly…

Part of the respect you have for each other as friends is the honesty that comes with it. If you've ever told her that her outfit isn't it, or that her new foundation shade is two shades darker, you can handle a conversation about your group work.

Asking questions, voicing your expectations, and setting boundaries shouldn't be difficult. If anything, it's proof that you cherish your friendship and want to protect it, even from a dreaded group project.

Because at the end of the day, no grade is worth a friendship. But no friendship should cost you your peace either. The goal is to finish the project and still want to grab drinks (or cry your heart out about the whole thing) with these people after.

Communication. As cliché as it sounds, it might just be the best act of friendship you can offer.