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The Kind Of Matakaw You Are, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Are you the Chatty Matakaw, the Hangry Matakaw, or the Opposite of Matakaw?
PHOTO: istockphoto

Aries: The Marathon Matakaw

Your insatiable ambition keeps you always on the go, and you are just as active when it comes to eating: You ram those calorie-laden meals in your mouth like a frontrunner in a hotdog-eating contest so you can speed onwards to the next task in your busy sched. Ain’t nobody got time for hour-long lunches and afternoon tea!

Taurus: The Gourmet-Eating Matakaw

For you, food is an art form, and you want to have yours in the best possible way: painstakingly prepared and relished in utter relaxation. You won’t hesitate to shell out the bucks to appease your hearty appetite, and you savor each bite like it was better than sex. Because not gonna lie, THIS MEDIUM RARE SLICE OF HEAVEN IN YOUR MOUTH REALLY IS BETTER THAN THE BEST SEX YOU’VE EVER HAD.

Gemini: The Chatty Matakaw

For the sociable Gemini, the company you keep is more important than the food that’s on offer. You love to keep the chika going as you eat, with the food practically fading into the background. Why would you even care that the crispy pata is this restaurant’s specialty when you just found out that Rick broke up with Sasha and is now dating Kristina, OMG?!?

Cancer: The Home-Cooking-Is-Where-The-Heart-Is Matakaw

As a thoughtful, sentimental sign, you like to maintain your close connections, and when it comes to eating, you believe it’s best done in the comfort of your own home with your loved ones around. Avoid emotional eating though, because when a homebody like you is all curled up in your bedroom cradling a tub of ice cream, literally nothing will keep you from entering that heartbreak-induced food coma.

Leo: The Only-The-Best-For-Me Matakaw

You have to be the star wherever you go, so it’s no wonder you only want to go to the poshest, trendiest restaurants where you can munch on fine food and drink while rubbing elbows with the rich and famous. You wouldn’t be caught dead eating alone, because why should you go solo when you can be surrounded by fantastic company (read: adoring minions) instead?

Virgo: The Health-Conscious Matakaw

Congrats, Virgo: You are the sign most likely to go on a diet—and actually stick to it! You sit there smiling serenely with your light, nutritious nosh while others stare enviously on with their greasy burgers and microwave meals. Plus, with your perfectionist nature and keen attention to detail, the meals you whip up are absolute works of art, so if anyone’s food flatlays deserve to be grammed, it’s yours. #Blessed

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Libra: The Sweet-Toothed Matakaw

Sophisticated Libras love to indulge, so when it comes to food, you’re all about the rich, decadent, wine-accompanied feasts laid out in stylish settings and enjoyed in stimulating company. But truth be told, those salads, soups, appetizers, and mains can all just march off the table and take a long walk on a short pier, because for you, dessert ALWAYS comes first. (The wine can stay, of course. Wine comes second.)

Scorpio: The Hangry Matakaw (BEWARE!!!)

Your power-hungry, passionate (*wink wink*) soul needs to fuel up every so often; meanwhile, your complex, mysterious tastes can make you crave unlikely food choices that come with strong flavors and a spicy kick. But whatever you’re hankering for at the moment, better make sure you get that shit in your belly, stat—otherwise, ALL HELL COULD BREAK LOOSE.

Sagittarius: The Try-Anything-Once Matakaw

Fried locusts? Frogs on a stick? Chewed that, swallowed that. Thrill-seeking Sags bring their bold curiosity to their bellies: You love to experiment with food and don’t flinch from exotic eats when you’re out on your travels. Sometimes your constant quests for adventure make you forget you even need nourishment, so we wouldn’t be surprised if the inside of your refrigerator looked like something out of a post-apocalyptic movie about the perils of mass starvation.

Capricorn: The Fuss-Free Matakaw

A practical, traditional, routine-oriented person such as you aren’t one to try out the buzziest new spots or indulge in balls-out binge-fests. You’re okay with sticking with something you always order—at least it’s something you know you’ll always like. And besides, who has time to go goo-goo-eyed over the latest food trend on Instagram when there’s all this work you still have to finish?

Aquarius: The Opposite Of Matakaw Because Who Needs Food When The Rest Of The World Is Starving?

The do-gooder of the zodiac, you’re always out there saving the whales or fighting pollution or whatever worthy cause you’ve adopted at the moment. In your tireless mission to make the world a better place, you might forget to eat at all! And once you do finally sit down with some well-deserved chow, you’re not picky about it; in fact, you’re sharing it around like your own tummy isn’t grumbling. Matakaw? More like Mother Teresa.

Pisces: The Closeness-Seeking Matakaw

Sensitive, romantic Pisceans seek deep connections and crave sensual pleasures, which is why, when it comes to dining, you appreciate a sumptuous spread in an intimate setting with a good friend—or better yet, a good lover—beside you to share the feast with. You also love seafood, but maybe that goes without saying?

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