At this point, one needs no further proof of the snowballing outrage and impact a celebrity hot take can make. Case in point: Slater Young, who recently encountered intense scrutiny for his controversial response to a letter sender on his podcast with his wife, Kryz Uy.
The letter sender sought the couple’s advice on dealing with a boyfriend who “fantasizes about other women.” In the girl’s own words: Her beau was “fantasizing about women with big butts and breasts” and even going as far as to “joking about f*cking certain girls,” which gave her unwanted feelings of insecurity and belief that she’s “never gonna be enough for him.”
While men engaging in such behavior is, unfortunately, not something one might bat an eye on these days, the thing that not everyone saw coming was Slater’s immediate reaction upon listening. He said he was way on the guy’s side for “being absolutely honest” about the situation. He went as far as divulging how he and his peers usually react in group chats. “Yung mga groups na nag-se-send ng mga photos of girls and like fantasizing over it, it’s normal. Syempre ikaw, as part of that group, sakyan mo lang.”
With this, many fans came to a conclusion: Slater Young isn’t the walking green flag he’s previously dubbed as, and his statement's twisted, sexist rhetoric encourages predatory behavior that's hurtful towards women.
First off, he totally missed the point of understanding the plight of the letter sender. By speaking in absolutes (“It’s normal and it’s just a fact of life that there many other women more attractive than you.”), he failed to consider the plurality of relationships by universalizing his own lived experience with Kryz, invalidating the sender’s feelings. Cosmo spoke to Kimi Lu, a relationship and life coach, about this, and she thinks there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to these types of instances. According to her, fantasizing “happens in some relationships” but one’s response is expressed through different attachment styles. “It really depends on the couples’ values and agreement as to how far a simple admiration goes. Communication is key, as always,” she added.
That said, his lackluster relationship advice isn’t really the most appalling part of it all. Shortly after the news broke, Slater took to his IG stories to call out Cosmopolitan Philippines for using a “clickbait headline” to lure readers, linking a full episode of the podcast episode and urging people to listen first before coming up with unsound conclusions. Never mind that the headline came from a direct quote, which frankly, even our own editors who were longtime listeners of their podcast, were surprised to hear.
Things only took a turn when several news outlets followed the lead, highlighting Slater’s contentious statement. Like a wildfire, the internet started condemning the actor's quote in verbatim and the truth reared its ugly head.
In its essence, Slater’s statement is what happens when a man emulates blokey locker room talk in a relationship advice, banking on the values that uphold the power of heterosexual cisgendered men. Not only is the term “sakyan mo lang” a bleak justification of someone’s criminal behavior when put in the context of sharing malicious photos of women sans consent. (In a tweet, sociologist Ash Presto called out Slater for advocating for an act considered online sexual harassment, punishable under the Safe Spaces Act, also known as Bawal Bastos Law).
But more than anything, it’s also telling of how normalized internalized misogyny is that even a married man with two male children (with Slater's role model status and platform, no less) can nonchalantly talk about this treatment of women at large. The fact that Kryz just stood there rationalizing her husband’s advice even made it worse, a distasteful irony on how women engage in actions that harm other women (albeit unconsciously) and contributes to the never-ending cycle of objectification and abuse.
Sure, responding back to such situations isn’t always synonymous with protecting one's peace, but if such tranquility comes at the expense of being blind towards others’ offense, then whose interests are we really taking care of?
Now, we may finally be at the tail end of the issue considering that Slater and Kryz already cleared the air and issued their apologies. The statement was a mistake, says the actor, apologizing and emphasizing that it was never his intention to encourage the objectification of women and that he felt ashamed of the things he said.
But let’s not forget how the response to the issue wasn’t a consensus. Probably, there are still people out there who related to his original take and don’t feel as sorry as him for believing that fantasizing about women is totally normal and acceptable.
In an ideal world, there'd be no objectifying women. No victims, no trauma. Everyone who flaunts their bodies would do it for themselves, and would never have to find their pictures in group chats full of men with perverted mindsets. There’d be no cat-calling, no enablers. There would be nobody looking at women and measuring their worth through their bodies, but instead through their words and actions.
Until then, let’s push for more inclusive, safe-affirming spaces devoid of statements that shouldn’t be spoken in the first place. As women, we accept your apology, Slater—but with the kind of platform that you have, as a husband and a father to two young boys who need proper guidance, please know that you can do better.