Witty Comebacks To Annoying Comments

Don't get all tongue-tied after receiving a tactless hirit. Practice saying these smart Cosmo responses.
  • "Are you kidding? I'm having such a blast being single!"
  • "I'm still in the process of screening applicants. Haven't met anyone deserving, e."
  • "E ba't ikaw meron pa rin? Tsk, tsk, tsk." (with a very sad, disapproving face)

"So, when are you getting married?" (asked in front of a guy on your second date)
  • "Fast forward naman! We're dating pa lang, e."
  • "Oh, we already are!" (Then steer your new boy away from the conversation and tell him to ride along.)
  • "After you." (You'll make your point especially to a non-hitched friend.)
"Ha? Why'd you break up?” (post-breakup when you yourself can't figure out why)
  • "It just wasn't meant to be."
  • "He met a new guy and they're in love."
  • "His loss. He decided to give up the only thing good about him."
"Ba't siya? You can definitely do better."
  • "Really? I'm pretty sure I snagged the best."
  • "Because he treats me better than all the crushes-ng-bayan or heartthrobs I've dated before."
  • "Oo nga, you're right. So how do you survive with [name of person’s boyfriend/husband]? Any tips?"
"You're always together. Nagiging magkamukha na kayo."
  • "That's because he can't stand being away from me."
  • "Gorgeous birds of the same feather flock together."
  • "Whew! Buti na lang may itsura siya!"
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All In A Day's Work
"You know, you look like [some so-unattractive person]."
  • "Really? Am I really that striking?"
  • "Wow, thanks! I’m sure she'll take that as a compliment."
  • "Oo nga, e. Buti na lang new and improved version."
"That's what you do for a living?!"
  • "Yes and I love it. I can't imagine doing anything else."
  • "Yup. It's so fun to be shallow talaga!"
  • "Inggit ka?"
"“With that salary?! How in the world can you survive?"
  • "It's called skill." (Then smile confidently.)
  • "Money management is part of my job responsibility."
  • "Why? Can't you survive with yours?"
"Ikaw ba talaga gumawa n'yan?"
  • "My hard work paid off."
  • "Yes. I worked really hard on it. Isn't it impressive?"
  • "Aren't you proud?"
"Is this what you call a report/proposal?!"
  • "It's open for your revision, sir."
  • "No, sir. It's a draft. I just wanted your opinion so I could make sure I was on the right track."
  • "It's actually based on your astounding, expert example."
"I knew you couldn't do it."
  • "At least I tried my best."
  • "Well, there's always a next time."
  • "I knew you couldn't either."

Too "Feeling Close" For Comfort
"Alam mo, papayat/pataba/paputi/paitim ka nga!"
  • "I'm happy as I am. Thank you."
  • "At least pretty, 'di ba?"
  • "Tara! Sabay tayo!"
"Uy! 'Di kita nakilala. Ano'ng nangyari sa'yo?!"
  • "Ikaw, parehong-pareho pa rin."
  • "Eto...gumanda."
  • "Excuse me. Do I know you?"
"Uy! Loko lang! Ang sensitive mo naman!" (after being joked about the same topic for the 100th time)
  • "Ikaw naman. Don't you ever get tired of the same joke?"
  • "Nakarami ka na, ah. Don't let me start on you."
  • "Ok lang 'no. Tara, libre kita ng Brazilian wax."
"You should try my derma/acne soap/breath freshener--parang you need it."
  • "Okay. Try ko and I'll let you know."
  • "Uy! Same boat na tayo?"
  • "I'm scared. Mukhang hindi effective, e."
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During Everyday Encounters
"Ma'am, bili na kayo. May double XL po kami."
  • "Thanks, but no thanks."
  • "Ay sayang! Medium lang ako, e."
  • "Buti merong size mo."
"What's that? Nag-shopping ka na naman?!"
  • "Of course. I so deserve it."
  • "Yup, and I got you something. Here, o." (Sabay abot ng pasalubong)
  • "Huh? Shoplifted lahat 'to."

"Miss, ano? Bibili ba kayo?" (impatient sales persons)
  • "Bigyan mo muna akong discount."
  • "Sana...pero parang ang sungit mo, e. Huwag na lang."
  • "Bakit? Naiinip ka na?"
"Hey! I love your new pants/top, but parang kulang ka talaga sa butt/boobs."
  • "Thanks. I knew you'd love it."
  • "You want, yours na lang?"
  • "Thanks. Hirap kasi to have a model's body, e."
"Ganda n'yan, ah. I have one exactly like it."
  • "Naks! Friends talaga tayo."
  • "We both have good taste then."
  • "Does it look as good on you, too?"
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