Sorry, no results were found for

10 Things No One Tells You About Hand Jobs

You will be terrified you'll bend it the wrong way and it will snap off.

1. You will be terrified you'll bend it the wrong way and it will snap off. This probably won't happen but the whole time you're going, especially when you speed up, the possibility will seem so freaking real. So real!

2. You will be tempted to spit on his dick and then wonder if that's gross. Being resourceful is never gross, but it's not lube either...

3. Spit is the opposite of lube. Like, it will work for a second but then it'll quickly evaporate and then it's just this circle of you spitting on penises and the air stealing the moisture from penises. Just grab some lube.

4. Doing it with your opposite hand will feel like you're a hamster trying to do circus tricks with zero training. Every time I do this, I stare at my left hand like, "How am I still doing this? How?" and shrug and keep going. And also tell myself I'm basically a genius because I can do this. My genius criteria is sometimes very low.

5. No, you won't be able to do it as well as he can. But that doesn't mean it's not still good! When someone fingers me, yeah, it's not as good as what I can do on my own, but it's also better somehow because I have no idea what's going to happen. It's like a horror movie I've seen before, but with a new ending.

6. You'll be anticipating him coming like a bomb going off at an undisclosed time. Because you really have no idea when it'll happen or how it'll happen. Will he jolt? Or make weird noises? Beats me/you.

7. Have a towel at the ready. Seriously, holding your hand out like you're flagging a cab because you have no idea what to do with it now is not a fun experience. Keep some towels (and lube. Seriously.) by your bed just in case.

Continue reading below ↓

8. You'll never know whether to twirl his balls around or poke at them like they're sleeping dogs. You just never, ever will know. And even if you ask, he probably doesn't know either.

9. You will spend most of the time wanting to look at him like, "Are you liking this? Really? I just...I have no idea." Trust me, he's liking it. Even if it's not perfect, no one does not like this for the most part.

10. It will be awkward when you try to use lotion as lube but the only thing you have is some stuff that makes his dick smell like vanilla. But at least you'll be transported to a dick oasis via the smell.


***

This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.