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11 Things Women Wish Guys Knew About Giving Blow Jobs

Swallowing is the exception, not the rule.

With the right partner, and as long as both partners are on the same page, giving a blow job is actually not the worst thing in the world! But the whole experience could definitely be better if men knew what all women were dealing with when they venture down to treacherous realm of penisland. 

1. When you're that up close and personal with a penis, size is actually one of the last things on your mind. 

 There are only so many ways to say SIZE ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT but let's say it once more! Unless you're gifted with a penis that's actually too big to fit in someone's mouth, no one is thinking about size when they're giving a blow job.

2. It is definitely obvious if you haven't showered recently (or like, ever). 

Bodies sweat. Sweat has an odor. Your boxers are not a self-cleaning oven for your penis. Regular (and thorough) showers are important if you're someone who expects people to enjoy giving you blow jobs in the future.

3. Some sort of positive feedback while someone is down south, going to town on your penis, is very much appreciated. 

We cheer on our friends when they're running a race so they'll gather the strength to finish strong, and I'm not saying you need to cheerlead your partner while she's giving you a blow job, but some words of encouragement can be really helpful. A reassuring moan or a simple "yessssss" is much better than ~*~silence~*~. 

4. It is incredibly rude to just come on somebody's face without a head's up (LOL???? but seriously). 

Flash floods are inconvenient and bad, but flash floods on your face are downright diabolical and sociopathic. Unless you're with someone who has clearly and explicitly told you, "Please, baby, surprise me with cum on my face sometimes," do not do this. It's a great way to make sure she literally never goes down on you again.

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5. Swallowing is definitely the exception, not the rule, and you don't get to be sassy when a woman refuses to do it. 

Some people like swallowing, others are totally against it, and others still change their minds about it every day—there are a lot of variables to work with when it comes to washing down a decent amount of jizz. If someone refuses to swallow, it's not because she doesn't like you (like, she's still giving you a blow job so come on), it's just because that's her personal preference. 

6. Sometimes a girl's gotta come up for air, because not everyone can hold their breath for 10 minutes straight and humans need oxygen to live. 

It's not a sprint, it's a marathon, and taking little breaks to catch your breath is for sure necessary if you have any chance of finishing strong (DO YOU CATCH MY DRIFT HERE or should I be more obvious).

7. Going full-throttle deep throat is physically impossible for some women, so please stop perpetuating this myth that the whole penis needs to go in someone's mouth for it to really count. 

Gag reflexes are a thing, and they don't just disappear when it's sex time. Although that might be convenient, it's just now how bodies work. 

8. Most women have literally no idea what to do with your balls. 

Like, would you prefer I pretend they're not even there? Do you want them licked? Tugged? What?! Just tell me. I'm not psychic.

9. Getting a simple affirmation afterward, like, "Hey, that was so great," is a pretty effective way to make sure you'll get blow jobs in the future. 

A lot of women have insecurity about giving blow jobs because they're scared they won't be good at it. Which is nuts. Because men should be so lucky to be receiving them anyway (in the immortal words of Samantha Jones, "They don't call it a job for nothin'.") But if you want to keep getting blow jobs, throw some compliments your partner's way. Everyone likes to do things they know they're good at.

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10. The law of reciprocity does not apply when it comes to blow jobs. 

Not that blow jobs can't be fun. But there is a huge difference between wrapping your mouth around a penis for however long, and just using your tongue to lick a clit for a while. You don't get insane jaw aches from licking a clit. You going down on me does not equal me going down on you.

11. Literally no one wants to 69 with you. 

Why ruin a perfectly wonderful thing by complicating it with weird positions and body contortions? I'm much happier just giving someone a blow job than trying to give and receive at the same time. Also, like, don't you want to just sit back, relax, and enjoy oral sex for all that it is? 

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.