1. Blue balls are not yours to fix. I'm not going to say blue balls are not a thing, because they are, but I wish I'd known they're not this, "Oh god, you'd better do something sexual that you have no interest in doing or changed your mind about doing because god forbid you make his balls temporarily hurt!" Never do anything you don't want to do. His balls will get the fuck over it and then you'll watch Scrubs. It's fine.
2. You'll never give him a phenomenal hand job because you're not his own hand. I wish I hadn't worried about being better than what he could do himself, because I was never going to get there. And honestly, having a girl he's into give him a hand job will always be better than him jerking off in a room alone. Which brings me to...
3. You don't need to try as hard as you're trying. Man, I wish I'd been able to chill the hell out and just be in the moment instead of feeling the need to be a five-handed circus performer who moonlights as a porn star, but so many movies and TV shows tell us that we have to be that for guys in bed and let me tell you: We. Do. Not.
4. Don't be afraid of balls. I was so afraid that I was going to break them, but I was never going to break them and honestly, they're kind of fun to play with. That said...
5. Literally no one knows what to do with balls and you probably will never learn. I wish I'd known that I would spend a good chunk of my life just wingin' it with balls, and by "a good chunk of my life," I mean "every time I came in contact with balls."
6. When approaching his ass, proceed with caution. In my experience, a lot of guys have ass fear. They're not sure how they feel about ass play or even if they would love it, they feel weird about telling you they love it. I always had a hunch this was the case, so I just never went near it. Now I'd say, "Eh, you can go there. Just tread lightly."
7. Many of their asses are incredibly hairy. And some of them aren't and you'll never be able to tell just by looking at the guy. It's like a grab bag with body hair inside (or not). Which reminds me...
8. He might feel nervous about the level of body hair he does or does not have. So many guys are legit terrified that they're not hairy enough or they're too hairy, so just keep that in mind if you seem to see any nervousness when he takes of his shirt. That's totally a possible reason why.
9. Boners don't always happen automatically. Sometimes, when I was making out with a guy and I'd notice he didn't have an erection, I would get mildly insulted because I assumed they just pop up all over the place at random, but that's not always the case and you really can't sweat it. Plus, he's probably already worried about it enough for both of you.
10. He might have parts of his body he feels self-conscious about. Like his penis, sure, but also maybe his stomach not being ripped enough or his arms not being muscular enough. He might not know what matters to you or what doesn't and the point really is that getting naked in front of someone is nerve-wracking for pretty much everyone.
11. His boner doesn't necessarily mean he thinks you're So Wonderful; it could just mean you're a person nearby and he has eyes. I used to take erections as such compliments, like if he had one, he must be so crazy into me personally, and I'm not saying that's never the case, but a lot of the guys I made out with were just horny jerkoffs who couldn't have picked me out of a lineup, so just keep that in mind.
12. Penises shouldn't smell like bags of garbage. You're not wrong to think that and he should be showering more for real because way too many boys don't and it is grosssss.
13. He might have no idea what he's doing with his body. A lot of guys act like they know exactly what they're doing and then fumble around like brain-damaged mice with cheese for fingers. It's OK for you to both be equally nervous and figure out what you're doing as you go along.
14. Your body should be experiencing just as much pleasure as his is. I want you to hear me say this and really, truly hear me. Your job is not to make sure his body feels awesome; it's a fifty-fifty thing. So don't spend all your time making sure he's taken care of if he's not taking care of you as well. And if you have to physically put his hands or whatever else where it needs to be, by all means, do that.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.