14 Things That Make Women Irrationally Horny

Warning: Reading this will make you feel some feelings and the need to excuse yourself for a minute.

1. When a guy has really nice forearms. Is it because he'd look good chopping wood? Because I don't live anywhere near a forest, but I'm still into it. Also, I couldn't tell you what makes a nice forearm. It's very subjective and case-by-case, but you know it when you see one. 

2. Guys in tailored suits that don't look like they previously belonged to their dads. So many guys own suits that make them look like 1980s stand-up comedians that when a guy has one that fits just right, our vaginas hurtle into space like shooting stars.

3. When a guy jangles his watch while he drives. Seriously, what movies taught us this was hot? How do we explain that a guy shaking his watch off his wrist because it was too loose and he wanted to shake it down his arm makes us want to stop the car and jump him? How? 

4. Suspenders. Note: Not everyone can pull them off. Years ago, I told a guy that suspenders drove me nuts and he tried to wear them and just ended up looking like a '90s drug dealer. Not the same thing. 

5. Guys who have very pretty long hair. Who then take their hands and run it through their pretty, pretty long hair. God help us if they also push it behind their ear

6. When guys talk about how much they love their moms. Unless your mom is a monster human being, everyone should love their mom, so a guy who loves his mom should not be hot. He should just be "a guy." And yet, the second a dude tells us he thinks his mom is amazing, we immediately become that little emoji face with hearts instead of eyes. So weird. 

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7. When guys seem like really good dads. Again, all men should be good dads, so why is this so hot?! Maybe it's because it's rare to see a guy hanging out with his kid in the park and looking really into it? Analyzing this is making me sad. 

8. A reasonably fit guy in a slightly too tight white T-shirt. I'm sorry. My brain stopped working just reading that.

9. When men have luxurious eyelashes we wish we had. At first, you're angry because that just seems like a waste of luxurious eyelashes, but then the more you gaze at them, the more you need a vibrator stat. Doesn't matter why. It is what it is. 

10. Cheekbones so deep you could crawl into them and set up base camp for life. If anything, this should make us think a dude might be malnourished, but instead it makes us want to run our fingers along their deep, deep crevice. 

11. When men roll up their sleeves. Exhibit H (for horniness, duh). 

12. When a guy is doing dishes and puts a dishtowel on his shoulder. First of all, this happens so rarely IRL and I think that is the cause of many problems in this world. 

13. Guys cooking while wearing aprons. And then when they take it off. It's basically "Aww, they care if their shirt gets dirty. We should have sex."

14. Hot guys reading. There's an entire Instagram devoted to this for a reason. 

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.


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