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5 Things I'm Scared To Tell My Ex-Boyfriend

I really miss you.

1. Sometimes, I think of calling you back.

Whenever something good happens, I immediately think of texting you. When I see a funny joke about Game of Thrones online, I copy the link and briefly consider sending it to you, because I know it’ll make your day. When my mom makes spaghetti for dinner, I think of sending you a photo. You used to love it, remember?

I'm sorry I never answered back any of your texts or picked up your calls. Though there are days when I think of sending you a  "Hey!" or even calling you back, I don't—because I know I shouldn't. It takes so much energy to stop myself from doing so, but I know I have to do it. It's better this way.

2. When I see a blue car parked outside my house, I get nervous.

I'd secretly wish that you would come out of the driver's seat and knock on my front door and ask for me back again. 

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I'm sorry you got tired of fighting for me. I'm sorry I didn't let you back in. 

3. I’ve learned how parallel park now.

We had this silly list of things we wanted to do throughout the course of our relationship. I’m sure you remember number 10: Learn how to parallel park. You'd nag me everyday to learn how to fucking parallel park, but you never taught me how. Guess what? I can do it well now. And I learned all on my own. I hope you're proud of me. 

4. This was harder than expected.

When we broke up, I thought it would be so easier to move on and forget about you. I thought I was in a good place—with my new job and all. I thought the change of scenery was all I needed to really forget about you and what we had, but it seems like the world doesn’t want me to move on. Every little detail reminds me of you. Most days I wonder if it's the same for you.

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5. I miss you.

I know I shouldn’t, but I do. And I hope that you miss me, too.