5 Dating Beliefs Modern Women Need To Unlearn, According To Kylie Verzosa And Cosmo PH Executive Editor Ida Aldana

Let's talk about the mental gymnastics required to date right now: you want a great relationship, but you're not supposed to look like you're actually trying. You want to find your person, but you're terrified of being judged as the girl who actually wants a relationship.

Then there's all the dating advice on TikTok: no double-texting, stay "nonchalant," and remember, "if he wanted to, he would."

It's a contradiction that leaves us stuck—unsure how to ask for what we need without seeming like we care "too much." So, instead of demanding clarity, we settle for situationships that hurt us and swallow our feelings to keep the peace.

But what if the problem isn't just the dating pool, but the "rules" we're using to navigate it?

On episode 40 of the Almost Honest podcast, host Kylie Verzosa sat down with Cosmopolitan Philippines Executive Editor Ida Aldana to unpack the dating rules we've all been told to follow—and why some of them might be doing more harm than good. Here are five dating mindsets it's time to leave behind.

We all grew up watching rom-coms that made us believe the perfect guy will just know how to surprise us and give us exactly what we want without us ever having to ask. But according to Ida, bringing that expectation into real life is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

"What [the Cosmo girl] is not doing now is expecting their boyfriend or their partner to know what she wants without communicating it," Ida shares. "We've always romanticized the idea of miscommunication in that way... But just because a partner doesn't know what you want, doesn't mean they're not the person for you."

A healthy relationship requires active communication and listening, rather than holding your partner to an impossible standard of mind-reading.

Women are constantly pressured to have it all together—the career, the relationships, the lifestyle—and to look completely effortless while doing it. Kylie noted that even when it comes to ambition, society tells women they shouldn't seem like they're trying "too hard."

Ida pushed back against that standard, urging women to own their hustle in both work and love. "Go for it. Don't be afraid to show effort. Be nonchalant about nonchalance," she advised. It's okay to admit that you're putting in the work to build the life and the relationships you want.

"Would you be ashamed about wanting your career to work out? Your finances to work out? No, right? So why would you be ashamed for wanting your relationship to work out?" If you like someone, just say it. And if they don't reciprocate your energy, you can confidently walk away.

We all look back at our past dating choices and cringe. But making "cringe" decisions—especially in your 20s—will help you figure out exactly what you won't tolerate in the long run. Kylie and Ida agree that experiencing things you dislike is essential. People often avoid focusing on their "don't wants" because it feels pessimistic, but Ida completely reframes this idea.

"I think your 20s are really made for making the mistakes that would build the path for your future. I mean, you won't know until you try," she shared. She added that discovering what you don't like isn't negative at all.

"It's really just curating your life to be what you want it to be. And saying no to things that you've already learned from and healed from." Knowing what you refuse to put up with makes it that much easier to demand what you actually deserve.

You can genuinely care for someone, have great chemistry, and still feel like you're forcing a puzzle piece that just doesn't fit. Both Ida and Kylie agree that we need to normalize having tough conversations early on—like whether you want kids or if you're sexually compatible—and walking away if things don't line up.

"Alignment with values, alignment on goals in life, alignment on what you want out of the relationship," Ida explains when asked what love is for her. Even taboo topics like intimacy matter. "Sometimes you're just sexually incompatible, and that's okay. It's a valid reason to leave that relationship."

You don't have to stay in a relationship just because there's love. If your lives, goals, or values don't line up, accepting the incompatibility and leaving is a completely valid choice.

It's okay to admit that you can't—and don't want to—do everything on your own. We've been conditioned to champion the "strong, independent woman" who manages her career, finances, and personal life completely solo, but needing people doesn't make you any less capable.

"I think we've had this saved image of a successful woman doing it all on her own. We have this belief that I'm a 'strong independent woman,' and that automatically means in our brains that I'm doing it all by myself," Ida notes. But looking back at her own milestones, she realized the opposite is true. "A modern woman admits that she needs a support system."

Taking charge of your life shouldn't mean isolating yourself. Whether it's friends pushing you to chase your career or a partner supporting your goals, let the people in your corner actually show up for you.

You don't have to follow a strict set of rules to find your person. Dating is something you have to experience for yourself, which means throwing out the outdated handbooks and not limiting your options to what looks good on paper. Give yourself the freedom to be experience love on your own terms, and it'll take shape exactly how it's meant to.