Breakup Advice That Helped Pinays Move On From Feeling Sawi

'Put yourself first and the rest will follow.'
PHOTO: istockphoto

At one point, you may have felt as if you were part of the greatest love story ever told. Everything was perfect; for some reason, life made better sense than before. You probably couldn't help but come up with a cute couple name and start thinking about all the things you'll do, the places you'll go, the memories you'll share—together.

But one day, it suddenly feels like someone cracked the glass lense to your reality and slapped you wide awake. You're left with words unsaid and things undone. All the sad songs you hear reminds you of him or her and every other thing that so much as hints at a memory of you together only makes you want to cry all over again. You'll wonder if there was anything you could have done to change the outcome or think about asking for a do-over of the relationship, promising that you'll do better this time.

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Some relationships are harder to move on from than others, but the point is you'll move on from it eventually. It doesn't mean you forget about the relationship that was, but you definitely learn from it. It can take time, but sometimes, it's wise words from people you didn't know you needed to hear that can help you process your emotions and situation better. Below, Pinays share the advice that helped them move on from their exes and helped them channel their inner Ari to say, "thank u, next."

Andi*, 23

"My relationship was in a very unhealthy place at that time, and I was asking my brother for advice because I didn't know what to do. The first thing he asked me was, 'Do you still love him?' Of course, I answered yes, [but] his next question was the one that struck me the most. He then asked me, 'Do you think that that love you have is enough to triumph everything you've been through? Because if not, then it's not worth staying [around for] anymore.'"

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Kolleen, 25

"Moving on is never really linear. There are days when you feel numb after the pain, days when you feel like you can laugh again, then something—a memory, a scent, or maybe a place you used to go to together—comes up and you're back to square one, bawling your eyes out, feeling tired from the unrequited love you're now feeling. That's okay. Wipe your eyes and keep moving and pushing forward. Until one day, you'll feel you're already at peace with the separation. One day, you'll finally be happy again."

Kat*, 26

"I don't think it was a breakup when we were never really together, but I remember that I was hurt, confused, and drunk on anxiety. I needed to talk to someone, and I decided to reach out to my high school guidance counselor to help me process whatever I was feeling. After I told her that entire chapter of my life and my plans of starting my own business, she tells me that love is kind of like energy. She asks me if I knew the first law of thermodynamics— I know, WTF, right? But she continues by saying, 'Energy, or love, in this case, can neither be created nor destroyed. Instead, it can only be transformed or transferred into someone or something else.' She explains that just because a relationship ends doesn't mean love dies or disappears; love will still exist in your life, but it will depend on where you decide to let it grow—in something...or someone new. And for me, I realized that love—the same one I once held for him—poured into the business I was excited to start on my own. I cried for emotional but also the nerdiest reasons (because science, lol). But that's how I've been looking at the idea of love since."

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Akali*, 26

"I always tell this to friends who come to me after a breakup, because Lord knows I didn't even get closure from a relationship I thought for sure was going to last: Take care of yourself. Be selfish even just a for a little bit, and take care of yourself. Some people worry so much about their ex-significant other or how people would react to their breakup that they forget about themselves. Put yourself first and the rest will follow."

Sara, 24

"I dated my last boyfriend for six years. One night, while we were watching a movie, he came out to me. I was confused (read: in denial) for the longest time until it finally clicked. I was angry and hurt. I felt betrayed and embarrassed that I didn't 'see the signs.' He apologized (though in retrospect, I now know he didn't need to be sorry for who he is), but I didn't want to hear any of it. I thought I'd just cut him out of my life, but after a few weeks, my best friend asked me if I could picture my life without him, and tbh, I couldn't. He made me really happy. She told me that as hard as it is to accept, there are actually different kinds of love in the world and that's better than no love. My ex and I are friends now."

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Patricia, 28

"I grew up with titas and older cousins who taught me that 'playing hard to get' is what makes men value you: Hard to get, hard to forget, right? So, of course, whenever a guy showed any interest, I pretended like I wasn't into him at all. It's sad to say, but it worked. Unfortunately, whenever a relationship 'fails,' I'm left feeling confused. In my last relationship, I vocalized this to a friend, and she totally called my 'technique' bullshit. She said that successful relationships are based on communication and trust, and that getting the guy by tricking him into believing that I don't feel as much for him as he does for me is childish. It was a complete wake-up call."

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