QUESTION: "Two things have really bothered me, and I'm always nervous to even consider bringing them up to a guy. First, how do guys see cellulite? My body's not perfect, but the one spot that really bothers me are my legs. I'm always self-conscious about how they could have some cellulite on them, especially around the thigh area. Does this stick out like a sore thumb and turn him off, or does he not even care? Second, if a girl doesn't shave "down there" for three or four days, is that a total kill-the-mood kind of thing, or does it barely faze him as far as sex and oral goes? I know guys definitely prefer to have it smooth, but does a little bit of hair turn him off? I've just been wondering about this for the longest time and would really like your input on this."
Logan Says: When you're feeling like your body might not be as perfect as a model's Photoshopped physique and that some imperfection might be a turnoff, please ask yourself this question: Is the guy you want to sleep with named Ryan Gosling?
If your answer is yes: Well, obviously that would be great, but wake up, lady. You're dreaming.
If your answer is no: Stop looking in the mirror and look at your man. Notice the fact that he's not Ryan Gosling. He's not utterly perfect—and yet you want to sleep with him. Weird, huh? Are you some kind of freak? Ask yourself why his supposed flaws don't kill your desire. Is sexual attraction maybe not about being perfect? And how hypocritical would this not Ryan Gosling be to nitpick your body, given that he's no Ryan Gosling? If he's so unrealistic that he can't get over a little natural imperfection, maybe he's the kind of ass you don't want to sleep with anyway.
If you're over the age of 21, you're going to have some cellulite and your breasts might not be as firm as they were when you were 19 and you're going to gain some pounds and eventually you're going to get some gray hairs and maybe even—horror!—wrinkles. And unless you're sleeping with Ryan Gosling, the guy you're sleeping with is sometimes going to have a spare tire, a receding hairline, or a jiggly gut, and sometimes—horror!—his penis isn't going to work right. None of us are perfect; we work with what we've got. And when we're feeling good, we try to find someone to get turned on by us as we are.
Now about that pubic hair: Sure, a little stubble can hurt sometimes, but does a little bit of hair turn him off? Hell no. It might even turn him on. Waxing is crazy popular now, but plenty of dudes like pubic hair. Some would say it's even coming back. Wax if you want to wax. Or grow a bush, shave it into a little landing strip, sculpt it into a lightning bolt, or become the Edward Scissorhands of pubic hair and shape it into a tiny dinosaur. It's up to you. But you do not have to look prepubescent to be sexy.
Whatever you decide, try to think more about what you like about your body, and less about what might possibly turn him off. It's your body, not his.
QUESTION: "I refuse to have sex with a guy who is uncircumcised. I think it's so gross, and to quote Charlotte from SATC, it looks like a shar pei. But my mom tells me it's wrong to kick a guy to the curb for that. I can't be the only one not willing to budge on this issue. Is it insensitive and stuck up of me?"
Logan Says: I would tend to agree with your mom that beauty isn't foreskin deep. But we all have our preferences. If you find a natural penis to be so horrific and you're OK with ruling out 46 percent of American men (a figure that's growing, as circumcision becomes less common), then, by all means, that's your right: Cut them out of your romantic imagination. Trim them off your list of potential lovers. Slice them right out of your love life.
But, first, think it through: How does this work? How will you have the foresight to predict a foreskin? Dating sites don't ask guys to list whether they've been cut or not. When a friend introduces you to a great guy, she's not going to pre-screen him on your behalf. In most countries, it's considered rude to lead off a first date with, "So, foreskin?" You're bound to lose a whole lot of time flirting with guys only to unzip and be revolted by his natural state. And if you do happen to fall madly in love with someone before you find out, what then? "Honey, you're the one—except there's just this one itty-bitty thing…"
One last point: With apologies to Charlotte York Goldenblatt, an uncircumcised penis does not, in fact, look anything like a shar pei. If this were true, I could understand your revulsion: Nobody wants to be fucked by a dog. But, like much of the sex talk on SATC, it's just a funny line—not a parable to live by. For more on the joy of foreskin, check out this recent Cosmopolitan.com by a woman who feels "a penis is a penis."
QUESTION: "I feel awkward about this, but I'd need an advice and I feel you could help. I am married, and I've been having an affair with a much younger guy for over a year. I've been living a troubled marriage, and this felt like an escape from my troubles. It has not been a relief but a burden instead. He is genuine and a very good guy–he respects me, and his desire made me feel alive. Apparently, he's having second thoughts about this all now, although he's not into giving up on me. I know this is wrong, but I really need him in my life. I know I am playing with fire, but still I am confused. I used to be a self-confident person, 'cause I have almost everything, despite what distanced me from my marriage. Now I'm not sure anymore. It all started as a game, a revengeful act, but the situation just slipped out of my hands. I know sometimes we need to hear what we want, but I really need to hear something that could make me understand and start over."
Logan Says: Feeling trapped in a bad marriage is wretched. In that situation, you don't want to look at the big picture, because it isn't pretty. So you just focus on trying to survive, day by day. Anyone can empathize with why you made a bad decision—starting this affair—to make each day bearable. But thinking short-term got you into big trouble.
The affair you're describing sounds like a kind of addiction: You looked for a quick, escapist fix and you found it. The relief became a burden. You began to need him, and now you feel as if it's out of your control and you can't break free. The illicit habit is dragging you down.
Most affairs are cheap highs: They give the illusion of escape, but after the thrill wears off, nothing has changed in the sober light of day. You're right back where you started, with the same problems, plus interest.
I think you're writing me because you know you can't have it both ways. You've got to kick the habit. Whether the bad habit is the marriage or the affair or both, I can't say. And there will be fallout no matter what; withdrawal will hurt and recovery will be hard. But you've got to do something. You have to choose. If you don't make decisions, other people will make them for you. And when they do, they won't be thinking of what's best for you.
Do you have a question for Logan about sex or relationships? Ask him here.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.