6 Things I Learned After Being Single For The First Time In My 20s

For most of my 20s, I was someone's girlfriend.

I got into my first long-term relationship at 18 and stayed in it until I was 24. Then, I spent the next three years in another long-term relationship. Now I'm 27, single, and experiencing my 20s as a single woman—properly, and by my own choice—for the first time.

It's a pretty new feeling. I've spent almost a decade being part of a couple, so there are plenty of things about being single that I'm figuring out as I go. What does a weekend look like when you don't automatically have a partner to make plans with? How much of my routine actually belongs to me? And, perhaps most importantly, what do I want my life and relationships to look like from here?

Maybe you've been there, too: spending most of your 20s in a relationship, going from one serious boyfriend to another, or suddenly finding yourself single after years of being someone's girlfriend. When you're used to thinking in terms of "we," going back to "me" comes with a lot of little realizations—and a better idea of what you actually want.

Here are the six lessons that have stuck with me the most:

I've always had my own friends, interests, routines, and things I liked doing. But when you spend almost your entire adult life in long-term relationships, you naturally get used to doing certain things as a couple. Now that I'm single, I'm paying more attention to the parts of myself that have nothing to do with who I'm dating.

I've gotten back into reading regularly, started discovering new music again, and found myself rewatching old favorite shows and movies just because I wanted to (and didn't need to take someone else's choices into account 🙂‍↕️). I've also had more room for things I already enjoyed doing on my own, like going on solo dates, sitting at a café with a book, or spending an afternoon people-watching.

I've always had a timeline for myself. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of when I wanted to be in a serious relationship, get married, and eventually have kids if I wanted to.

All that changed when I turned 27 and suddenly found myself single. Looking at the dating pool again—the small talk, first dates, figuring out if you even like each other—felt exhausting when I had already spent years in serious relationships. Add seeing people my age get engaged, married, or pregnant, and I couldn't help but wonder if I was suddenly starting from square one.

Then I remembered that 27 is still young enough to have so much life ahead of me, while also being old enough to know myself better than I did at 18. My timeline can change without meaning I've fallen behind, and I don't need to rush into another relationship just to get back on track.

Of course, I miss things about my previous relationship. I miss having someone to call after work, knowing who I'd spend my weekends with, having a built-in plus-one to events, and having a person who understood all my random references. Some days, I miss the routine more than I'd like to admit.

But missing those things doesn't mean I want the relationship back. I can miss the good parts of what we had, remember the things that hurt me and the reasons it had to end, and still feel genuinely sad about losing it.

Being single has made me appreciate my friendships in a way I don't think I fully did before. My friends are the people I send long voice notes to, make post-work dinner plans with, call when I need to talk something out, or randomly message when I have something stupid to share. They've been there for the fun stuff, the ugly-cry stuff, and all the boring everyday things in between.

I've also realized how much of my life exists outside of romance. My friends have their own inside jokes, traditions, stories, and plans with me that have nothing to do with who I'm dating. I want to keep making room for those relationships because they matter to me on their own.

For the first time in my 20s, I'm single without feeling like I need to figure out who I'm going to date next. I'm not dating right now, and I genuinely don't mind it. I still want to fall in love and have a relationship someday, but I'm not treating being single like a gap in my life that needs to be filled.

I think that's what decentering men has looked like for me lately. I'm more interested in building a life I actually enjoy than in finding someone to share it with. If a relationship comes along, I want it to be something I add to my life—not something I've been waiting for to make it feel complete.

After two serious relationships, I know there are things I really want in a partner—and things I absolutely don't. I know how I like to communicate, what makes me feel cared for, and the things I used to brush aside that I don't think I could anymore.

I'm sure I'll still figure out new things when I date again. But I don't think I'll go into my next relationship with the same mindset I had at 18 or 24. I've had enough experience now to know what works for me, what doesn't, and what I won't put up with again. So at least that's one less thing I'll have to figure out next time.