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The Emotional Stages Of Running Into Your Ex


1. Holy shit, is that Jason I see walking towards me?
I haven’t seen him in a year since we split up; I’m not ready for this! Should I say hello or disappear behind the nearest pillar? OMG, I have to think quickly; he’s walking like one of those movie zombies: slowly but surely.

2. Wait, tumaba siya. And he’s not as cute as I remember.
I can see his new girlfriend is taking very good care of him now. Is that…triumph I feel? Yes. Yes, it is. Embrace it.

3. How do I look? I hope I look fabulous so he’ll realize what he’s missing.
Do I have time to slip my tube of Ruby Woo out of my bag and just swipe it on very discreetly without anyone noticing? Did I even bring my tube of Ruby Woo?! Dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have changed bags today.

4. Shit, he caught me looking.
Can’t pretend I didn’t see him now, so that duck-behind-the-nearest-pillar option is out of the question. I’ll just have to say hello with blotchy lipstick from this morning. Ugh.

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5. “Hiiiii! Kumusta ka na?!”
Does my fake pleasure at having run into him sound, well, fake? Nevermind, that’s the best I can do, given the circumstances.

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6. I don’t really care how his life is going now, but okay, I’m going to ask just to be nice.
Of course he’d have better news to share than me. He was always more ambitious. But whatever, I am going to sound like I’m super happy with my life, even though he’s the one with the new job and the new girlfriend.

7. That’s enough. Time to end the conversation. NOW.
I’ve got to come up with an excuse for having to leave, like, right now. I’m sure he’s not enjoying this either. I’ll just put us both out of our misery and say I have to visit my dying grandma at the hospital. Oh wait, he knows both my grandmothers are dead. He even attended their funerals. FML.

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8. Finally, I’ve made my exit. I must not trip while walking away, in case he’s still looking.
Watch your step. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. You can do it.

9. Whew. That wasn’t so bad.
Blotchy lipstick aside, thank god I did not make a fool of myself. The last thing I need is for him to run laughing back to his new girlfriend, telling her what an idiot his ex was for tripping in public.

10. I can’t wait to tell my friends all about this later.

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