1. I would rather you come back to my place, if only because I know for a fact that the sheets are clean on my bed.
And that I have toilet paper in my bathroom and condoms in the nightstand.
2. But just in case, please make sure your apartment is in a livable state before you go out to meet someone.
Kinda like your mom's rule about always wearing clean underwear just in case you get in an accident, except for spur-of-the-moment hookups in your usually messy home.
3. Seriously, do not put the burden of getting condoms on me.
You can't board a plane without a ticket, and you can't get laid without a condom.
4. You absolutely do not get to say anything to me that insinuates I'm slutty or dirty for being into sex.
Sexy talk is fine, but LOL at you trying to slut-shame me for doing the same exact thing you are.
5. If I want to exchange phone numbers, I'll tell you I want to exchange phone numbers.
Really, it's fine, I don't need for this to be a whole thing where we exchange numbers just to look like we tried to make a date happen. We don't have to try to make a date happen.
6. Do not assume you get to sleep over after.
A half-night stand is a very real, and sometimes very great, thing. We both have shit to do in the morning, it's fine.
7. Just because this is a sex thing only doesn't mean you get to treat me like garbage.
Yeah, I know I'm not your girlfriend but you should still be nice and kind because that's how you treat other human beings (especially ones you stick your penis in).
8. There's a difference between "catching feelings" and just being baseline affectionate.
So yes, we can cuddle after and I won't assume you want me to marry you. It's really OK.
9. We don't need to do the whole "take me to breakfast" thing in the morning.
Although a cup of coffee would be greatly appreciated.
10. If I'm at your place, splitting the cab fare with me is a gesture I'd really appreciate.
Paying the whole cab feels borderline like you just paid me to come sex you, but offering to split it feels diplomatic and kind.
11. I'm not opposed to turning this into a regular sex gig if that's something we can both agree on.
Especially if the sex was incredibly good. This is just to say that yes, girls can want sex-only relationships and we do not necessarily fall in love with every person we sex.
12. If you don't make sure I orgasm, then this whole thing was just a waste of time, honestly.
The whole thrill of a one-night stand is trying out sex with a fun, hot stranger, and if the sex is bad, then it's just time I could've spent sleeping.
13. You have to be 100 percent totally honest with me and tell me if you have any STIs before we do this thing.
I know I'm basically a stranger to you but this is so important.
14. Just tell me if you have to be somewhere early in the morning...
instead of literally coming and going immediately after without explanation. Just be honest and courteous!
Follow Hannah on Twitter.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.