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What Christian Grey Would Buy You, According To Your Sign

Why does this guy own so many planes?!
PHOTO: Universal Pictures
  1. Aries: your dream job

    You take pride in your career and are a total go-getter when it comes to your goals. Sure, you didn’t actually need to do anything to get this job and only have it because Christian just bought the whole company and handed it to you as a gift (something that everyone working there is obviously completely on board with and not resentful of at all!), but what can you say? You love a man who helps you lean in!

  2. Taurus: a surprise house

    You’re a ride-or-die nester and Christian knows that: You’ve already added three Netflix-viewing pods to his apartment and audibly groan every time he suggests anything involving spontaneous air travel. The best gift is obviously a massive house he purchased without consulting you, plus a random hot architect you now have to spend time with, thwarting your briefly-fulfilled introvert dreams.

  3. Gemini: a helicopter ride

    Yeah, at this point, you barely know this man, and him tightening your seat belt while muttering “no escaping now” definitely fires off a fuckton of adrenal hormones as your brain enters GTFO mode, but THAT VIEW THOUGH.

  4. Cancer: a boat ride

    You find joy in the little things as long as you’re with people you love, but you’ll settle on a big thing from a guy you sorta love. When it’s just you two, coasting through the water full-speed ahead on a pristine yacht, it’s easy to forget that literally everything about this dude is shady, and you’re only hiding out on this boat because someone’s mysteriously trying to maybe kill you both. It’s so romantic!

  5. Leo: a masquerade ball

    Christian knows all about your flair for the dramatic, so a sexy masked ball is so up your alley. What’s less up your alley is seeing his creepy ex and being told to stay away from himthat’s like, really weird, right? Like yes, you like excitement, but more of the “I’m wearing Ben Wa balls under this gown” and less being reminded that you have romantic competition. Whatever. You look hot in your lace mask and look even hotter telling this woman to fuck off. This is still your night!

  6. Virgo: a private jet

    You’re not really a big people person, so a co-owned private jet surprise is legitimately the best. Sure, the modest and environmentally-concerned parts of your personality make you feel incredibly cringey for being That Person who flies everywhere on a whim in your solo plane, but honestly, you’d sacrifice all your principles if it means not being squished between two snorers for 14 hours.

  7. Libra: an engagement to remember

    You’re a vivacious and unbridled romantic who’s down to marry, but only if it’s the right person. A floral-themed private proposal capped with celebratory fireworks is totally the kind of dreamy gesture to make you forget the fact that this bro comes with too many red flags.

  8. Scorpio: a BDSM playroom

    For starters, the fact that Christian can afford to dedicate a full room of his house just for sex (while you can barely squeeze your bought-on-sale Victoria's Secret panties in your drawer) is enough to turn you on. But also, a sex room! You’re going to overlook the fact that he has pretty problematic ideas about submission and doesn’t seem to understand that being a dom in bed is separate from being a domineering jerk in real life. You’ve always wanted to be tied to an X-frame, and he’s hot!

  9. Sagittarius: a European honeymoon

    You love traveling, and a looooong honeymoon in Europe is, without doubt, the highlight of this relationship. You just married, nothing ominous has happened for like, a full week, and you’re sipping wine and making out in foreign bathtubs! You’ll address the gnawing feeling that something terrible and directly-related-to-Christian will happen when you fly back to the states right after you finish polishing off this plate of brie.

  10. Capricorn: a new Macbook

    You’re a practical person and wouldn’t buy into Christian’s more lavish presents. But damn, you’ve had your laptop since 2012 and a free computer is something you’d be dumb to pass up. Yeah, it comes with the deal of you using it to research the BDSM lifestyle and tolerate annoying IMs asking you if you’re ready to sign a submissive contract yet, but you and him both know you’re using this baby to watch Stranger Things.

  11. Aquarius: a fancy dinner with a twist

    TBH, since dating Christian, you’ve eaten at every top restaurant within a 100-mile radius at least once, which has been a blessing for your stomach AND your Instagram feed. But you’re a gabber, and Christian doesn’t really do the whole talking about things thing, so slipping off your underwear in public is just the thing you need to bring some excitement to dinner with a sulky rich guy!

  12. Pisces: emotional intimacy

    You’re sensitive and really need to connect with someone. You see right through Christian’s wealth-porny lifestyle and want him to just open up about his past, and his growing feelings for you. You just can't put a price tag on emotional availability and a willingness to be vulnerable.

    Jk, he got you a glider ride. He still has like a loooot of demons and seems unreceptive to going to therapy, but for now, you can say you took your relationship to new heights?

Follow Julia on Twitter.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.