This morning, Nico Bolzico took to Instagram to announce that he and his wife Solenn Heussaff are having a baby girl. He wrote a funny post that begins with, “We were not supposed to reveal the gender until she is born, but since she is a girl, I decided to raise this now because there are some warnings that must be spoken to the world.”
Nico joked, “First, in my head, nobody is good enough for my girl. I might be wrong, but nobody will make me change my mind. To all my friends with baby boys ages [negative two] (not born yet) to five, no matter how close we are, you must know that our friendship will expire in 14 years.”
Nico then outlined all the things his daughter’s future suitors must do in order to take her out on a date. There’s a Patato Challenge where Nico and the suitor will each place a piece of broccoli before Nico’s pet turtle Patato. If Patato chooses the suitor’s broccoli, he’s off to stage two.
The second stage entails a staring contest with Nico’s pet cat El Gato. The suitor must beat El Gato to proceed to the third stage: The Pochola Effect. Here, the suitor must walk Nico’s dog Pochola every morning at 6 and every night at 9 for two weeks straight. “Missing one day or arriving late will result in elimination,” Nico stated.
Once the suitor has successfully interacted with all the pets, Nico said he will sit him down “in a dark room” with only a lightbulb over a table. Nico will “ask 100 questions and he must answer fast.” Once again, one mistake means being eliminated.
Nico shared that Solenn thinks his plan is crazy. “#Wifezilla thinks I am crazy and doesn’t want to be part of this! I guess she is not a modern parent [like] me.”
Last month, Nico and Solenn announced that they’re expecting their first child. Solenn, 34, told PEP.ph and Femalenetwork.com that she’s always wanted a kid in her late 30s, adding, “I’m not the type that wanted to start early even if I knew that, okay, so many people tell you the older you get, the harder it is. For me, if you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”