1. "Wow. Why aren't you two married yet?" This is a dick move because you never know someone's situation. They might not be ready financially. Maybe they broke up and just got back together. Maybe they don't believe in marriage. Yes, it's cute that these two high school sweethearts are still together. But there's nothing cute about prying.
2. "That baby is adorable. Do you have any more pictures?" The answer is yes. They have 8,000 pictures. If you ask to see even one more picture, you've damned yourself to an evening of looking at slightly different pictures of the same baby as the proud parents coo until their throats are raw and full of bile. In case you were wondering, yes, this is hell. Hell is other people's babies.
3. "I'm just taking the time to work on me, you know?" If you wind up throwing this line out, be prepared to get sad eyes in return. This is the kind of thing people say when their life is sad and they're single and working a dead-end job and they know how awful everything is and they've just resigned to maybe taking a watercolor class on weekends to feel some modicum of happiness. Avoid this sentence at all costs, unless you want people to know your life is terrible save for when you go down to the community college to paint lighthouses.
4. "Is your brother still single?" Girl, hanggang ngayon, kuya ko pa rin?
5. "You look exactly the same." What you just said is, "You look exactly the same way as when the demon of puberty was constantly gnawing at your face and everything about your body was weird and terrible." This is never a compliment.
6. "Tell me more about the random product you've been selling for the last year." You might think it's called a "pyramid scheme" because the inverse proportion of employees to the concentration of funds, but that's not true. It's called a pyramid scheme because people wind up entombed in the lifestyle like mummies except worse because they're always trying to sell you stuff. If someone tells you they're in "sales" in a vague, roundabout way, just be like, "Oh, cool," and then induce vomiting so you have an excuse to leave.
7. "We used to be best friends. What happened?" This never ends well. Either you drifted apart and stopped caring about each other, or you friendship-broke-up over something stupid and petty. Either way, why would you want to talk about it?
8. "No, but like, how are you really doing?" Get ready for a torrent of tears and confessions of loneliness from that guy everyone liked in high school but no one was really friends with. Whenever someone responds with, "Pretty good. You?" after you ask them how they're doing, you just take that at face value and move on.
9. "High school was the best time of our lives, right?" No, it better not have been. You can have a lot of fun in high school, but you still lived at home, were discovering hair growing in new places, and you were a complete idiot. If your life peaked in high school, it's only because you live in a landfill now.
10. "Do you want to get out of here?" I don't care how drunk you got or what time it is or just how much Anna Whateverhernameis still pisses you off even after all these years. Leave all of those weird, awkward, hormonal urges in the high school gym.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.