1. When someone you don't know that well texts and asks how you're doing, you have to just say, "Good!" even if you had a crappy day.
Why have we all decided that we have to hang out in some weird, emotionally constipated waiting room until we've known someone for like five years before we can be like, "Actually, today was really hard, and I cried a lot and pooped my pants, and it was the worst." This rule is garbage and I hate it.
2. You absolutely must put 9,000 emojis and exclamation marks and hahas into every text; otherwise you're depressed and what's wrong?
I understand this one because facial expressions aren't available, so you want to let the other person know you enjoy their texts and aren't sitting there groaning, but it's also slightly weird that we have to be like, "aaaand ending this with 19 exclamation marks and 12 random emojis so she knows I'm having fun."
3. If you put periods after every sentence then you're ~That BitCH~ who put periods after every sentence.
A lot of the time these aren't even people who capitalize, they just like ending everything with a period, which gives a weird finality to every sentence, like you're yelling, "End of thought!" at me with every text but you know what? It's just a freaking period and I've seen them before and know what they are.
4. If you capitalize and use commas in texts like a normal human being would IRL, you're basically a serial killer.
Whenever I get a text from someone who's using proper capitalization and commas and punctuation, I'm like, "Calm down, Beth. This isn't a job interview," but you know what? It's dumb that we think that about people who write the way humans are technically supposed to write.
5. You can't answer a text with "K" or "Fine" because you'll sound like you're so mad you might try to burn down their house later.
I'm so guilty of thinking this when someone does it to me, but you know what? Sometimes your really just do want to text back "K" because that's all that needs to be said, and you're getting in your car and are trying to reply, so they know you got it. I think I'm having a panic attack.
6. If you start writing something but you see that the other person already has the ellipse bubble up, you should delete what you wrote and wait for them to finish what they were saying.
Oh, yes, because their text would be completely ruined if you said something before they say something. Plus, a lot of the time they don't even end up sending what they were typing so then you just sat in that awkward silence for nothing and have to wait for, like, two minutes to pass before you can type what you were going to type in the first place. So lame.
7. If you reply immediately, you look like a desperate freak who has no friends or hobbies.
Or you can reply immediately sometimes but not other times. These are seriously things we do with our freaking friends! Why are we using dumb dating rules with someone we go bra shopping with and talk about how our period was extra clumpy lately with? Why?
8. If you don't reply immediately, you have to apologize as much as if you killed their pets or something.
Don't get me wrong. I'm totally down for politeness and apologies and thank yous, but if I couldn't reply for five hours because I was at work and you know I was at work, an apology makes little to no sense. Otherwise it's like, "Sorry I have the schedule you already knew I had."
9. You can't reply to a long-ass text with a phone call because calling is weird and rude and stop being weird.
I know calling is usually intrusive and old-fashioned, but when you're texting me an entire book about how your parents are getting divorced after 25 years together and your dad might have cancer, call me crazy but I think voices would be helpful.
10. If someone is sending you a bunch of GIFs, you have to also send them a bunch of GIFs because what are you, a monster who hates fun?
I love my GIF-happy friends. I do. But the pressure to keep up with their extensive GIF library is just too great, and it should be OK to have one friend who is the master of GIFs, and one who just chills and enjoys the GIFs they are sent.
11. If you were the last one to text in a convo, you can't text again until they reply.
And you know what? I have abandoned this one. Sometimes I send one text and then remember I have another five texts' worth of strong feels I would like to convey to them because at the end of the day, who doesn't like getting a lot of texts from someone they like? Can we all just live?
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.