1. I would never date a girl with piercings. Um, OK. Let's not date, then. Sorted. I'm sure we can cope with your loss to our gene pool.
2. Did that hurt? Yes. Of course it hurt. Someone shoved a huge needle through my flesh. Bonus points to anyone who still asks this despite the fact they have pierced ears themselves. And ultra bonus points if their baby has pierced ears too.
3. Does that hurt? I love this one. Yes, I am in constant pain, all for the sake of having some pieces of metal in me. I never sleep thanks to the interminable ache. Um. Noooo. See above: It did hurt, for a bit. Now it doesn't. I'm not a total idiot.
4. Can you eat with that in? Ano ka ba?
5. Why did you do that to yourself? The same reason you are wearing that outfit and have that haircut? Each to their own.
6. How do you blow your nose? Much the same way as you do. SNOT DOES NOT COME OUT OF THE HOLE. Seriously. It doesn't. Ditto breast milk, the contents of my stomach, the—what, am I making you feel queasy?
7. You'd be so pretty without all that metal. How do you know? And did I ask for your opinion? I think I look extra hot with my gems in, actually, otherwise I wouldn't have got 'em.
8. Aren't piercings just for emo teenagers? They go back to at least 1,500 BC, actually, when Jimmy Eat World wasn't even a twinkle in the milkman's eye
9. You'll never get a job. Weird, because I've actually got one. Having piercings does not mean I am shunning society and refusing to earn a living. It means I chose to get a tiny hole in my skin.
10. It'll get infected. I've had it for 15 years. So, probably not. And if you're careful with a new piercing, keep it clean and do all the clever things the nice piercer told you to do/not to do, you're likely to be alright.
11. Is it an attention thing? No.
12. What about the scars? First off, scarring from removed piercings is usually minimal (unless you're healing stretched piercings—and even those are stitchable). Secondly, if you're waiting for me to actually take my piercings out and survey the "damage", you'll be waiting a long time.
13. What else do you have pierced [manyak smile]? Please leave.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.co.uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.