1. All you want is time to do nothing.
If you're not getting paper towels you forgot you ran out of or paying a bill or vacuuming since you haven't in four weeks and you feel thoroughly disgusted with yourself, you're grocery shopping or calling your mom or going to your friend's birthday drinks which you can't believe are at the (uncivilized) hour of 9 on a weeknight. You can't remember the last time you were truly bored though this is all you want in life.
2. You appreciate wine.
You wonder how you used to consume, and get drunk on, a total of five amaretto sours in one night.
3. You often prefer staying in to watch Netflix or sleep or have a craft beer on your couch to going to some da club.
You recognize that, in the privacy of your own home, you are not subjected to the advances of forward men in shiny shirts or the alcohol flying from the cup of homegirl in the diaper-sized jorts.
4. If you get day drunk there's no way you're also getting night drunk.
Because you passed out on your couch after your unlimited mimosa brunch and woke up with a hangover and wondered why on earth you thought that dress you bought three hours ago that is the size of an ice skating costume was work-appropriate. At this age, you know it's time to eat a packet of oatmeal and go to bed early so you can make it to yoga in the morning.
5. You see clothes in stores and think, "I'm too old to wear that."
6. You often choose "being productive" over partying.
Stay out late so I can spend P1,000 on two drinks and a cab ride home and giving a fake number to a guy I wish I hadn't made out with? Or go home now and make it to Pottery Barn, barre class, and the post office before brunch? The choice to you, now, is obvious.
7. You go to a lot of weddings.
Because that's what your Practically Old friends are doing with their lives now.
8. You're saving to buy furniture that isn't second hand.
Instead of a real leather purse that fits your work computer.
9. You appreciate, and have gradually begun acquiring, good kitchen tools.
A decent set of knives. A non-stick omelet pan. A juicer! These are the things that excite you now.
10. You have a weekend wardrobe.
It's finally smaller than your work wardrobe because now when you go shopping and feel the impulse to buy a crop top, you suppress it and get the blouse instead.
11. You pay all your own bills.
Every time you do, you have the internal "Do I really need cable if I just get HBO GO? I wonder if Tammy will give me her password..." debate.
12. You have endured the pain of figuring out an investment strategy.
You've possibly also endured the *worse* pain of figuring out what sacrifices you'll make to pay off that mutual fund.
13. You've realized that a lot of new pop music sounds terrible to you.
You don't understand why the Youngs like the sound of sirens so much. You're constantly saying, to anyone who will listen, "This just doesn't compare to Madonna."
14. You hate that you technically qualify as a Millennial.
Because there is obviously a HUGE difference between you and the 22-year-olds in your office. (Well, except for your shared love of Pitch Perfect.)
15. You occasionally say or do something that makes you freeze and catch yourself, because you realize it's exactly what your mom or dad would say or do.
16. You never feel like a grown-up.
The only physical reminder you have that you're REALLY getting older is looking in the mirror and noticing gravity is doing things to you that it didn't use to.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor changes have been implemented by Cosmo.ph editors.