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17 Very Real Things Only Women Stalking Someone On Instagram Understand

It's literally worse than death when you like the photo of a person from 168 weeks ago.

1. Having paralyzing anxiety over your recent searches. You don't let anyone touch your phone for fear that they'll see your recent hashtag searches/people you're stalking and think you're insane. Which you might be, but whatever. Everyone has their issues. 

2. Obsessively clearing your searches. What if, despite your most rigorous surveillance, someone gets their dirty paws on your phone and sees your secret shame? Well, you don't have to worry about that because you've already cleared your shit three times today. 

3. When you do accidentally like a photo from four years ago. And then you have to make the hardest decision of your life thus far (aka do you continue to like more photos casually so it looks like you're proudly saying, "Hey, I enjoy your photos and think you're cool and live a cool life," or if you just let that one like sit in shame?.)

4. Suddenly being really conscious of the size of your fingers. What if they're so big you accidentally follow Carlos, that guy you dated ONCE in 2009? Baka feeling niya, type mo ulit siya ah. Please.


5. When you accidentally like a photo and you don't even follow the person. Literally worse than death. The one time you did it, you cried to your boyfriend for 20 minutes while he was all, "Why do you care?!" Then, you got into a fight about how he doesn't understand you and almost broke up. Insta-stalking can have serious consequences, folks.

6. Wanting to show your friend something but having to preface everything with, "BUT DONT TOUCH THE SCREEN AND DOUBLE TAP IT." "Actually, just don't touch the phone at all. I'll just hold it and you can look at it."

7. Stalking people's geotags. When you want to see where all the cool kids get brunch, you can view all their geotagged shit (aka brunch recommendations) on a map and feel like the fucking worst/but also really smart at the same time. Then, you can go there next week and take your own #AvocadoToast photos and pray someone is stalking you. The cycle continues. 

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8. This tweet is so real, you can hardly look it in the eye:

9. Screenshotting everything. If there are more screenshots in your photo album than there are pictures of your cat, you have a legit problem.

10. Clicking on the profile of every girl who likes your crush's photos. And then figuring out who they are to him. OK, I know "SusanJoson0203" is his mom and "mariayeahxx" is his sister, but who the fuck is TheRealTherese?! 

11. Knowing all about your crush's mom's vegetable garden. You know SusanJoson0203 loves mountain biking, lunch with the ladies, and her prized avocados. (It's cool! You'll have so much to talk to her about when she's your mother-in-law!)

12. When you type "I" into your brower and it autocompletes to "" ?When your Insta stalking gets so intense that it becomes one of your "favorite pages" on Google Chrome, it might be time to throw your phone into the deep, deep ocean.

13. Hashtag stalking. When you want to seem like you know nothing about your date but really you've already stalked every esoteric hashtag they've ever jokingly used. 


14. When you stalk a person a ton and then you have to pretend you had no idea what they were up to. "Oh, you went to see Imagine Dragons when they went to Manila? Oh, really. I had no idea. I don't know anything about you. What is your name again, stranger?"

15. Squad stalking. When you start out wanting to admire one girl's rooftop wine photo but then you go through their tagged photos and stalk all their fab friends too and suddenly it's 7 p.m. The next day.

16. Wanting to tap a photo to see who's tagged in it but waiting like five seconds just in case Instagram counts it as a—heaven forbid—double tap. ?That's just a basic survival instinct.

17. Having those friendships where you both just mutually like each other's Instagrams but never hang out IRL. ?But it feels so good to know someone just like, approves of the way you're living your life online. If you had the guts to ask them to hang out and you could have a new friend. Maybe tomorrow; you have more stalking to do.



This article originally appeared on Minor edits have been made by the editors.


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