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30 Unbearable Struggles Of Being Born In 1986

You're turning 30 in 2016. No kidding.
PHOTO: INSTAGRAM/IAMANGELICAP

1. This is the year you will turn 30. At this age, your mother had two pre-teens. 

2. If your family's life expectancy is 80, you have already lived 37.5% of your life. But if you're a smoker, make that 43%, because you are going to be dead 10 years earlier. I need you to process this information before you smoke another cigarette. 

3.  You are 30 years old, but your life anthem is still Taylor Swift's "22." Walang basagan ng trip, OK?!

4. Everyone in the office is suddenly younger. Or fresh from college. Then they use "po" when they talk to you, and you have this inexplicable urge to throw a tantrum. #mature

5. If Facebook has a Year In Review, you have your very own Life In Review at this age, and replay all the highlights of your 20s to determine whether you really fucked up or if you're arryt. 


6. When people ask how old you are, saying "30" will feel like an alien creature overtook your body and made you say it.

7. You spent your 20s proving you can be self-sufficient and independent, and now you have to spend your 30s proving even more things to yourself. #WhenWillItEnd

8. Your Facebook timeline is filled with: a) photos of your friends' family vacations with at least two kids; b) pregnancy announcements via ultrasound snapshots or creative videos that look like same-day wedding edits; c) throwback photos from your early 20s. YUP. THROWBACK. 

9. At least 70% of the people in your life at this point are in long-term, serious relationships.

10. Meanwhile, you are still single. 


11. You get this one final decade to decide whether you will have kids or not, because your fertility decreases at age 32. Do you realize how much pressure that is?!

12. And if you decide not to have kids, you have to put up with the whole universe urging you to procreate. Pwede ba. Especially in the Philippines. #PinayStruggles #IOwnMyOvaries #IkawNaLangKaya

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13. You have that one friend from college who quit her job to make babies while managing a family business. Last time you heard from her, she and her husband just bought their first town house in New Manila. 

14. And here you are, wondering when your Pinoy parents will "allow" you to live on your own. Or with your boyfriend. 

15. If you haven't found love, that's OK! You are thirty and flirty and thriving, and there are LOTS of SINGLE and decent 30-something men who will sweep you off your feet, right?


16. NEGATIVE. They're all on your Facebook newsfeed, posting photos of their kids' baptismals. 

17. You sometimes wonder how long you're going to stay in your current job. You are happy, but will you be there until you retire? Which brings you to...

18. The new dilemma of your 30s: What will I do for the rest of my life?

19. Then you think of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, who is 31 years old and worth more than $47 BILLION. What have YOU done with your life?!

20. You couldn't even afford a designer bag yet! OK, you probably COULD get one, BUT:

Coffee/Lipstick/Rent/Netflix subscription/credit card bills are always > Designer bag


21. You probably realized in your late 20s that your metabolism has launched an all-out war against your body. So that extra slice of cheese pizza? It all went to your puson. Carbs are evil. Pizza is evil. Cheese is evil. Cupcakes are evil. Chips are evil. Cookie butter is evil. OK, you get the point. 

22. You dare yourself to hold on to that super slinky bodycon dress that was such a hit in da club in your 20s, promising yourself you would still fit into it in your 30s. 

23. WRONG. It's now in your underwear drawer, bunched up and threatening never to see the light of day. Yes, the dress was small enough to fit in your underwear drawer. #JustSayin

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24. And so you exercise to eat. You get into all these insanely expensive workouts that force you to go to class because sayang naman yung binayad mo, di ba?

25. Your social life consists of coffee dates and dinners—any place without loud music and where you can actually hear the other person talking. You couldn't even remember the last time you were drunk—and you want to keep it that way. Because the struggle is SO REAL:

26. You see your 20-something teammates in the office, and get a tad sentimental about how you also went through the exact things they're going through now. Good news: You can give them excellent advice. Bad news: They're all going through a quarter life crisis. ANO NA

27. On the flipside, you're pretty proud of how you got over YOUR quarterlife crisis, and how you made the most of your 20s, pitfalls and all. 

28. Which made you wiser, funnier, braver, and hotter than ever. Hey, come to think of it, YOU ARE READY for the third decade of your life!  

29. You haven't figured it ALL out, but you've solved a big piece of the puzzle. And that is a comforting thought. 

30. 'Cos really, when you see this meme, you will never laugh harder.

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