1. Seeing someone you know walking toward you from a mile away and pretending you hadn’t seen him until you two get close enough to greet each other.
You fiddle with your phone, rummage through your bag, or stare dumbly at your feet—anything to avoid meeting his eyes and saying hi too soon.
2. Running into someone and stepping aside to let them pass, but then they also step aside in the same direction to let you pass, and so on and so forth.
This awkward cha-cha could go on forever.
3. Meeting someone and not knowing whether to shake hands or beso or just say “hello”—and doing all three instead.
Some people are handshake people, some people are beso people, some people are content with just a “hello.” It’s all very confusing.
4. Raising your hand to high-five someone but not getting high-fived back.
So you swat his arm instead, as if you had been going in for a swat all this time.
5. Waving at, smiling at, or saying hello to someone who turns out to be a complete stranger (or worse, someone you’ve actually met, but who doesn’t remember you at all).
Or the flip side: Having a stranger wave at, smile at, or say hello to you and just going along with it so you don’t embarrass him.
6. Waving or smiling back when a person waves or smiles at you—only to discover that it was directed at the person behind you.
Double cringe—they both saw your enthusiastic response.
7. Forgetting someone’s name and trying to avoid having to say it out loud in front of them so they don’t find out.
You hope that they’d say their name, or someone else would call them by name, or they’d suddenly wave a nametag with their name emblazoned on it in big bold letters to help you out.
8. Making small talk with someone you barely know or don’t like.
Whether you’re walking the same way or stuck together in an elevator, the air is so thick with discomfort, it’s almost choking you.
9. Getting in a conversation with someone on a topic you know diddly-squat about.
You pretend to know something about it just to be agreeable, but then he won’t shut up about it so you end up just saying “Oo nga” and chuckling ineffectually.
10. Trying to speak up in a group conversation and trailing off when no one acknowledges you.
Walk away from the conversation. Just walk away.
11. Making a joke that no one gets or finds funny, after which a deafening vacuum of silence ensues.
If you could turn back time and take that joke back, you would.
12. While with friends, running into people they know that you don’t, and suddenly being rendered invisible.
No one even bothers to introduce you, so you stand there uselessly, pretending to admire the scenery while they catch up.
13. Witnessing couples you know fight right in front of you.
Guys, do you really have to do this now?
14. Spraying someone with spittle while talking and not knowing whether to own up to it or just pretend it never happened.
There’s no graceful way to recover from a talsik laway moment.
15. Singing at the top of your lungs and suddenly trailing off because you don’t know the next words.
From hero to zero just like THAT.
16. Realizing that you’ve had a booger hanging inside your nostril or food stuck between your teeth the whole time you were talking to people.
They all saw it, and nobody told you, those bitches.
17. Getting hit by a stray object while you’re just minding your own business.
“I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of,” you think to yourself as a basketball hits you smack on the noggin while walking.
18. Having your shoe give out while you’re out in public.
You hobble along like it’s no biggie, all the while knowing that people are smirking behind your back.
19. Tripping in public.
Outside, you laugh it off, but inside, you're crying with embarrassment.
20. Doing number 2 inside a public toilet stall and knowing that everyone else in the restroom smelled your nasty fumes.
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
21. Ditto for farting in an enclosed space.
It is with eternal gratitude that you regard the people around you who choose not to say a thing.
22. Choking while eating with other people and trying to appear like you’re just dandy.
You try to cover it up by coughing demurely, but honestly? You’re DYING.
23. Having your laughter erupt in a phlegm-filled explosion.
Even worse when people go, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
24. Inadvertently touching another person’s privates when swinging your arm.
You’ve already reached second base, and you don’t even know each other’s last names.
25. Watching a movie sex scene with your family.
When will this scene ever end?!?!
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