We're sure you've been there (as we all have), hung up and depressed over that person we thought was the one who got away. This guy was perfect in almost every single way and you felt intense euphoria when you two were together – but then, you broke up.
Maybe you simply met at the wrong time or both of you were not mature enough to appreciate what you had, but either way, it's hard to move on because you keep thinking of the factors that led to your breakup, including what you could have done differently.
Licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries, Guy Winch, says that it’s only natural to reflect about painful breakups in order to make sense of what happened. Getting too caught up in it will only hinder you from moving on, however. "The problem with this kind of self-reflection is that replaying the same memories and thoughts over and over again in our heads or with others, yields no new insights, understandings, or learning moments," he shares with eHarmony.
Another problem with the habit of obsessing over the past and all the what ifs is that you’re only hurting yourself more. "Doing so just makes us sadder and angrier each time. And worse, it actually damages us psychologically, as it is the equivalent of picking at emotional scars and not allowing them to heal.”
Constantly thinking of your TOTGA can only be holding you back from finding true happiness and love. If you’re still dwelling in the past, here are a few things you need to remember:
It ended for a reason.
Think of it this way: things wouldn't have turned sour if your relationship was going as well as you thought it was! What's passed is past, so stop holding on to your old feelings. You’re now better and wiser so take the things that happened in the past as lessons you can apply now.
He’s probably moved on.
…and you should, too! He clearly doesn't want to be with you, because if he did, he would have made it happen by now. Channel all that love and positive energy to things and people that matter–like your friends and family.
Stop waiting for someone who may never come back; instead, go out and meet new people! Try new activities and learn to let go and start fresh.
This story originally appeared on Femalenetwork.com.
* Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.