1. The words, "team" and "building", in the same sentence make you nervous AF.
2. Small talk is not your thing. It usually goes; "How are you?" Good, you? Good thanks.
Good... *awkward silence*
3. You start sweating when you have to sign a birthday card at work and you have to think of something witty, interesting, personal and snappy, yet charming, to say...
"Have the best day today!" it is then.
4. Reality TV in general, is guaranteed to evoke equal measures of shame and horror.
Really? Why? How? People you've just met and you're on TV!! All kinds of wrong.
5. Offices that are open—NO CUBICLES—are like torture chambers to you.
So much sharing, LOL-ing and divulging makes you feel nauseous. You endure daily caffeine-withdrawal shakiness because you just can't handle social anguish. Please just STFU all of you.
6. Overly demonstrative, you are not!
You still have nightmares about the time your friend's brother accidentally kissed you on the lips during a mistimed beso. Whatever happened to handshaking?
7. People who pack on the PDA and post their luuurve on Facebook.
It's like they speak a different language.
8. In your world, "ice-breakers" should be re-labelled as "heart, body, spirit and soul breakers."
And because it's work, there's not even a drop of alcohol to ease the pain. If only you were being melodramatic, sigh.
9. You get mad when people gate crash your me-time.
Is it not obvious that reading a book or listening to music is the equivalent of a "DNFD" sign, not a conversation starter?
10. People think you're shy, boring, a moody people hater or a pushover just because you don't feel the need to fill the room with your personality and life story.
Your world is more of a small platform in the corner than a stage thank you very much. #misunderstood
11. You love spending time with friends in small groups but too many people is just plain stressful.
At large gatherings you spend a lot of time staring at your Uber app, waiting for that sweet moment when you can click and ride.
12. You're probably the only person in the airport who loves the automated check-in desks.
It's an oasis in the agony of the airport arena. So many people everywhere and there's "people-patting" in security. I. Cant. Even.
13. The relief when you shut your front door at the end of the day, is even greater than the relief you felt the day you discovered online banking and self service check-outs.
Now back off everyone and stop asking if I'm ok. Ok?!
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.co.uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.