Carlos Agassi Is Gaslighting All Of Us

Dude, stahp.
PHOTO: Instagram/carlosagassi

Can we just stop making excuses for this guy?

He is not a criminal for trying to pick up women, but he is not a victim, either.

Those women did it “(J)ust to be famous or make themselves look like a babe,” he said.

Of course, it’s always the woman who’s in the wrong.

“If asking a single girls (sic) cell number or asking her out on a date is wrong…”

Dude, stahp. You are not being called out for asking girls out. You are being called out for being a creep who can’t take no (or getting seenzoned) for an answer.

“I think a group of people who hate me ganged up (on me),” he said. Of course, it’s everybody else’s fault except your own.

I don’t even want to get started on how many times he mentions God in his super long excuse letters on IG.

There’s a word for what he’s doing now, in reaction to the cyberflirting brouhaha: GASLIGHTING.

In a nutshell, gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that people use to make others question their own reality, and even their memory or sanity.

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By doing so, the gaslighter gets away with almost anything, while the person getting gaslighted ends up with lowered self-esteem, as they either blame themselves or make excuses for the other person’s behavior.

By publicly portraying himself as the victim in his Instagram posts, Carlos gets to impose his own narrative, not only on the women who came forward, but also on everyone else weighing in on the issue.

With his celebrity status, he could easily say that these women are just desperate for attention, while leading the public to believe that it’s the truth and sympathize with him.

Being a guy, he knows that he can get away with playfully referring to himself as #PambansangFuckboi. Can you imagine a female celebrity doing the same? His statements don’t even show genuine regret, save for a sarcastic “(I)f you are a single man pls learn from my mistake,” and “Sorry ulit sa nasaktan,” referring to the people he cares about. He offered no apologies whatsoever to the women who might have felt uncomfortable with his advances. He even took a dig at their looks by qualifying his definition of what a “hot chick” is and is not, along with an insinuation that he “lower(ed) his standards.” Wow.

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This is no different from the guy who would call you paranoid when you call him out for not texting you for a long time. Or the guy who would say, “You’re fat and ugly anyway,” after you refuse to send nudes. Or the guy on the street who would catcall you, deny doing so, and call you a “feelingera” when you report them. And this is dangerous.

When we allow men to get away with seemingly mundane yet disrespectful behavior, we end up in a slippery slope where we let them get away with worse.

Sure, let’s not call it harassment if you don’t want to; what he did probably isn’t something worth a lawsuit. But it’s the kind of male entitlement that we have to deal with: Men who act as if they’re God’s gift to women. They’re the men who feel entitled to disrespect you for sleeping with them but would also shame you for rejecting them.

Let me set this straight: I wouldn’t demonize people who have casual sex. If they’re single (or in a consensually non-monogamous arrangement with their partners) and it’s between consenting adults who practice safe sex, you do you. Whether or not it’s in accordance with “Gods rules” (sic) is another issue, but I digress.

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But hooking up shouldn’t have to mean that all basic rules of human decency have to be thrown out the window.

When we make excuses for guys like Carlos Agassi, we deprive ourselves of the respect we deserve, whether it’s from guys on the street, guys on Tinder, or the guys we date and marry.

We deserve so much better, whether we’re looking for someone for tonight, for the weekend, or for the rest of our lives.

And to get what we deserve, we have to start holding men up to a standard higher than, “At least hindi siya rapist.”

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