1. You go through his text and Facebook messages behind his back.
Snooping, an invasion of privacy, breaks trust—your trust in him (if you spotted something fishy or you found out he’s cheating on you) and his trust in you (if you tell him you went through his messages). The thing is, if you do see a private message that terribly bothers you, you get caught in a dilemma—should you confront him, which lets him know you went through his things, or should you just keep things to yourself and cry?
You might think your curiosity is harmless, but in this case it never really is. What’s really harmless is to let him be, respect his privacy just as he respects yours. You wouldn’t want him snooping around too, right?
2. Stalking his exes and his other close girl friends.
Yeah, you’ve already done this more than once, so telling you it’s a bad, even dangerous, idea is a late warning. (But you do it anyway so we’re justified.) Why we torture ourselves over the past of someone who has (or should have) moved on from it is a mystery. Sure, we’re curious. But most of the time we want to know the wrong things, like if we’re better than all the other girls (the answer depends on what aspect you’re thinking of). What’s worse is that we want to know if we’re better, but we already believe that we’re not. Let’s stop comparing, shall we? (And face it, your stalking gives you things to compare.)
3. Getting mad that he has female friends.
You have guy friends too! It can’t be helped that we make friends with people of the opposite sex. It’s part of life!
4. Not giving him space.
There’s a healthy dose of clinginess—the clinginess that makes us feel desired, loved, and missed—then there’s the unhealthy, suffocating kind. While what’s healthy and unhealthy differs from couple to couple, we can pretty much agree that bothering him all the time even when he wants to be alone or when he’s busy isn’t right.
5. Not having a life outside your relationship.
The fact of the matter is that your guy can leave, and if he does, what would be left of you? Don’t forget that a lot of things can make your life good—family, friends, hobbies, fulfilled dreams. And when you’re with a guy who makes you really happy, yes, your life’s great. Why not make it greater?
6. Getting mad at him for having a life outside your relationship.
Girl, you don’t own him. He was somebody before you came along, and he’ll keep being that somebody for as long as he wants. If you made him your life, that’s your choice (and possibly your mistake). Don’t go forcing him to do what you did, as if it were something he asked of you or a sacrifice you did when you were 100 percent rational.
What’s worse is that this keeps you from supporting him—and no one wants to keep an unsupportive partner.
6. Being passive aggressive.
Your mom said it right when she told you that men aren’t mind-readers so you have to spell things out for them. Yes, even when your behavior and facial expressions clearly show you’re pissed, since they don’t know why you’re pissed and when you started getting annoyed. Open communication is healthy; you might not hear what you like, but it will lead to the best.
7. Trying to change him or not accepting him for who he is.
This can be a tough one especially when you find out he’s a gambler, druggie, etc. If this is the case, it’s understandable for you to leave. You can always talk to him about it and see if he admits his addiction and wants help to be rid of it.
If it’s about how outgoing he is—without putting anything at risk—the wiser move is to let him be. You can talk to him about it if it really bothers you, of course. But don’t expect him to adjust to you if he doesn’t understand where you’re coming from.
8. Expecting him to treat you like a princess.
This is different from wanting him to treat you right, which pretty much involves respecting you, your body, and your decisions, and not cheating on you. This is expecting him to shower you with gifts every week, to pay for all the dates, to plan every trip, to give you the grandest gifts ever for your birthday and for Christmas, or else you’ll give him hell or dump him. Did it ever occur to you that expecting those things blinds you from recognizing things he wants to do lovingly and willingly? Did you ever think that maybe you’re asking for too much? Did you even bother to wonder if your guy is having a hard time keeping up with your demands? Which brings us to—
9. Not appreciating him.
This is bordering on taking him for granted. You’ve stopped seeing the value in him and his actions; you’re so busy being in the “taking” end of your relationship; or you think you should always be the receiver of sweet things. The good thing is that you can easily snap out of this if you recognize that you also need to be more loving to the person you love. If he’s the right guy, loving him should make you feel great, even #blessed. No kidding.
10. Not trusting him.
You may have trust issues, and that’s understandable if you’ve experienced being cheated on or you have loved ones who were cheated on. But you can’t live the rest of your life doubting your partner and always assuming the worst. That’s toxic for you both. The best way to get over those trust issues is to be comfortable with yourself and to talk to your partner about your issues and fears. Hopefully he’ll be able to give you the assurance you need and be consistent with it. It might take time to trust again, but it’s not impossible.
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