Like a magical phrase that explains everything, you hear words "simple lang” copiously used by every Pinoy guy and girl asked to describe their ideal mate. As in: “The soulmate/partner for life/person of my dreams? ’Yung simple lang.”
Thing is, simple is a complicated matter. In the context of relationships, simple is everything but. And when guys say they’re attracted to a girl who’s “simple lang,” it could mean a good number things—and not necessarily just a jeans-and-T-shirt-wearing gal.
“There is nothing simple about women!” exclaims Leeds, 35, a marketing manager. He may have echoed the thoughts of countless Pinoy men. This begs us to ask: Knowing that women are inherently complex, why do Pinoy men still seek out a simple lass?
Cosmo defines what simple could mean—and how you can use this knowledge to understand your guy and tweak your relationship with him for the better. Adapt some of these subtle, pa-simple strategies into your outlook and attitude, so you can be more alluring than ever.
Continue reading on the next page.[nextpage]
1. Easy to Please
Elaborate dates, flower-strewn surprises, extravagant gimiks, and other ostentatious displays of affection are alien to the simple girl. Yet, bring her to watch the sunset in the city or burn a CD with a compilation of her fave girlie songs—and she’ll consider herself the luckiest girl in the world.
Like it or not, the Pinoy male has a tendency to be an extremely sensitive being who harbors a deep aversion for rejection. Why else would there be torpe guys around still unable to voice out their attraction?
Once men see that a girl is “easy to please,” they assume that it doesn’t take much for this girl to be happy—which makes her less likely to reject him when he offers whatever it is he can offer.
Why is this so? Since time immemorial, men have played different biological roles from women. And this difference exhibits itself even in their partner preferences. For one, men have always played the role of provider. “It gives men a feeling of accomplishment when they know that they can make a woman happy,” explains Aileen Santos, a life coach. “For guys, that translates to ‘I was able to provide her with something.’”
So, don’t wonder why the maiden who’s mababaw ang kaligayan gets all the dude action. “You don’t have to show off or do something impressive to win her,” explains Jaykee, 32, an art director. “She’s happy with you—kung sino ka man. She doesn’t need you to have a cool car or be dressed up all the time.”
“Deep inside the heart of every man is a secret wish to be trusted,” says Bob Grant, author of The Woman Men Adore...and Never Want to Leave. It puts them in a position of power when women trust that whatever it is they give her—whether it’s a used book from a bargain bookstore, a ride home or some company when she’s up late finishing some work—is always a sign of their love and desire for her to be happy.
Your pa-simple Strategy: The next time your beau (or the guy you’ve been eyeing) sends you a text message that says “Wat u doin?” or opens your bottled water for you, pansinin mo. Sometimes, a simple "thank you" makes all the difference. And don’t forget, gratitude can be expressed in more ways than you think: a sweet text reply, a small surprise, a sandwich you made for him, a tight hug, or a kiss.
Continue reading on the next page.[nextpage]
2. Low-Maint
The most popular connotation of “simple” is being low-maintenance. This means that in a courtship or a relationship, you’re that type of girl who’s not needy of a guy’s time and attention. Jennifer, 28, a media planner, for instance, shares that she doesn’t rely solely on her boyfriend Erwin to be her emotional sounding board. “Of course I have issues about my boss, friends, and clients, but I don’t bombard him with all my emotional drama,” she reveals. “There are girlfriends for that—and sometimes, mas masarap mag-rant to them ’cause women are really nurturing beings—it’s in their system to offer me all the advice I need.”
“There’s no need for her guy to spend every moment trying to ‘look devoted,’” Ferdie, 29, an architect, says. “Mas gusto ko talaga ’yung simple lang that way. I had a girlfriend who literally wanted me to assure her in some way or the other that I was crazy about her—every hour on the hour!”
“Some women want all the spare time of their men to be devoted to them only,” says relationship coach Oksana Anikia. “This is some sort of interference with men’s private life.” So don’t expect your guy to be too eager to coddle you. Not every guy’s lining up to be treated as your emotional crutch.
“Men need you to give them private time to be left alone,” affirms US-based life coach and relationship consultant Scott Andrews. “Some men need a few minutes to unwind when they walk in the door, before sharing the day’s challenges.”
Being low-maint means you don’t need him—or anyone else for that matter—to constantly assure you that you’re the best, the smartest, and the sexiest girl he’s ever met. A low-maint girl is secure and confident that she possesses these qualities and knows how to assure herself.
Your pa-simple Strategy: “Do what works best for your relationship,” advises Andrews, when it comes to finding that balance when sharing time together. For instance, while most of us might be itching to launch into how stressful our day was, men sometimes “really just like a hug, a kiss, and then some quiet space for a few minutes to unwind prior to reviewing the day together.” So, the next time you see your guy, give him a compassionate deep hug, and a kiss—he won’t only love you for it, but you’ll also get pleasantly distracted from that work rant you were about to unload on him.
Continue reading on the next page.[nextpage]
3. Hindi Ma-gimik
Blame it on our macho culture, a.k.a. machismo, but it’s a fact that Pinoy masculinity, at its worst, can sometimes be a praning monster: It gets threatened at the slightest hint of girl power. This is why some Pinoy men sometimes consider it an affront if their date so much as consumes more bottles of beer than they do in a single inuman session. It doesn’t help that Pinoy cinema portrays the Pinoy Prince Charming as a macho being who doesn’t only rescue you from your situation, but dictates that you stay home, dress, and act, according to his standards.
So it’s no surprise that guys would rather have a chick whose gimiks are tempered with lots of nights in. Again, it interferes with a man’s role as a provider. “[If] you have a great social life, he wonders what he can offer you,” explains Dr. Phil McGraw, PhD, author of Love Smart, Find the One You Want—Fix the One You Got.
We’re not saying that you should stay home and wait. It’s simply a fact that Pinoy men are more likely turned off by a girl who’s out every night.
Your pa-simple Strategy: Too much of anything isn’t good. Remember, everything should be in moderation. A few nights out a week is just right—even good for you. But if you’re wasted every night of the week, it’s time to rethink why you have a persistent need to go out, drink, and party all the time.
Continue reading on the next page.[nextpage]
4. Not Aggressive
“Men are intimidated by strong women,” intones Dr. Phil. “It is not so much that a man doesn’t like strong women—because men in general prefer independent, smart, energetic, vigorous and participative women—but when a woman’s strength trumps his whole reason for being, he would rather find someone who really needs him.”
With Pinoys, “simple” can mean being devoid of those hardcore vixenish ways. Bluntly put, a simple girl is not the type to make the first move when it comes to flirting or sex. “It’s just a euphemism though,” points out Gil, 39, an artist. “When Pinoy guys refer to a simple girl, they mean someone who’s ‘not promiscuous.’”
So don’t get puzzled why, even in this Internet age, modern Maria Claras are still as appealing as they were noong unang panahon. “Men are still old-fashioned. They like to chase. And one of their methods is to figure out what you need and then give it to you,” adds Santos. The very Pinoy culture of being pakipot only challenges the Pinoy guy to figure out what it is that you really want him to do to win your heart.
“The key is to balance being approachable yet selective,” says Santos. “Guys are drawn to a girl who looks like she can easily be their friend but at the same time, has standards she sets for herself.”.
Your pa-simple Strategy: Out to impress your crush? Smile. We have a tendency to get hiya or dyahe, but smiling is a sign of acceptance. It’s a signal for guys that says it’s safe to approach a woman. They need that encouragement before they become willing to risk introducing themselves.
Continue reading on the next page.[nextpage]
5. Easygoing
Your typical Cosmo chick is confident, fun-loving, and yes, ambitious—especially when she’s into her career. It’s simply part of her fearless side. So don’t get us wrong: Go-getters are attractive and sexy. But when men say they’d rather have a simple girl to spend their lives with, they may actually be referring to a woman who’s not ruthless, pushy, or rigid.
“Nakakatakot when you see a woman who’s so rigid and determined—there’s a good chance she’ll have a one-track mind,” discloses Jay, 28, an engineer. “Siya’yung tipong girl who’ll really get what she wants in everything. She’ll probably be super successful, pero nakaka-stress ’yun for a guy. ”
For a man, a chick who actually has the potential to reach her goal, may mean only one thing: The more successful she is, the greater the chance she’ll be dissastified with him or the relationship.
Moreover, studies show that women who have a career are more likely to separate from their partners. Like it or not, relationships can be a stressful, and some social scientists believe that it’s professional women who are more likely to be dissastified with it, and more likely to cheat.
“The work environment provides a host of potential partners,” reports Adrian Blow, in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. “Individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with individual [work colleagues].”
Your pa-simple Strategy: Simple doesn’t mean that you be complacent with what you have, or worse, be unmotivated. Show your man your easygoing side by giving in to and acknowledging his needs, being flexible, or simply finding humor in situations where things don’t go the way you both want them to. Also, chill! Just relax and be your easygoing self when you’re together.
Continue reading on the next page.[nextpage]
6. Plain and Natural
There’s something comforting about the basics, and men are the first ones to agree. Notice how Pinoy men are put off by the sight of purple or electric blue eyeshadow. Or, they cringe at an asymmetric haircut, preferring instead a girl sporting neutral makeup hues and long, straight hair.
They’d also usually go for someone who “looks clean and wears no makeup,” says Rommel, 27, a call center employee. That’s because for some, a simple girl is someone who already looks pretty in her natural state that has no need for colorful makeup, avant-garde clothes, or papansin accessories.
For some men, being simple may also mean not being into branded or luxury items. “How can you call a girl ‘simple’ if she insists on a 35K designer purse? I may have crossed so many girls off my list with this one,” shares Jude, 27, a photographer. “But I also know that I’m not on their list, so that’s okay with me!”
Men are really visual creatures—they’re helpless to what they see. And the sight of a girl next door imprints an image in their heads that she’s the one most likely to acknowledge and accept him as he is.
Explains Dexter, 27, a restaurant owner: “A girl may have a mahinhin, low-key side, but if it’s hidden under layers of assertive-looking trendy clothes, then men can’t see it. And if we don’t see it, we often don’t know it exists.”
“Simple may be synonymous to straightforward when it comes to relationships,” reveals Santos. “And it works for men—because with them, it’s usually what you see is what you get.”
Your pa-simple Strategy: Studies show that men find reassurance when they see plain softness and natural curves, so much so that the “more feminine (softer) a woman dresses; the more men she will attract.” Go ahead and be fasyon—just be sure you’re truly comfy about it. Also, it doesn’t hurt to have a clean, polished look, so master the art of subtle, natural makeup that’ll enhance your features. And don’t sweat it if you’re not into dressing up—the right body language can do the trick. Unleash your girly charms where he can see it—via sweet gestures and natural moves: a friendly eye contact or a soft touch on the arm.
Continue reading on the next page.[nextpage]
7. “Cowboy”
Contrary to popular belief, being “one of the boys” has its good points. What guy wouldn’t look admiringly at a woman who can get her hands and knees dirty or not complain, “Oh my god, I’m sweating na!” when the aircon gets busted?
For Jude, whose photo assignments lets him travel to the remotest towns in the country, it’s appealing when a girl can stomach eating anywhere at anytime—even in a lowly carinderia. “When a girl doesn’t have a problem with that, it makes both of your lives so much easier,” he says.
Guys are big on convenience. “Most men are linear thinkers,” says Dr. Phil. “They take a single-file, one-thing-at-a-time approach to life.” Also, as in Jude’s case, when a gal’s unfussy and doesn’t insist on scouting for an airconditioned, uncrowded place to eat in, it can make the trip less stressful, and more smooth sailing—from which you both will benefit.
Your pa-simple Strategy: Nobody’s really grown fond of them, so ditch those maarte ways fast. Surprise him with your cowboy, game side. Let him know you’re up for a challenge and that you can remain steady, especially in sticky situations.