Why Being Single Doesn't Mean You're Unlovable, According To Catriona Gray And Nicole Cordoves

In our single era, it's easy to feel alone and lonely. Ticket lines feel insufferable with couples being mushy right in front of you. Valentine's Day feels like the bane of our existence, and social media doesn't help when it's full of #couplegoals posts.

With how often we see these around us, it's hard not to wonder, out of all the people here, why am I single? Then the self-defeating thoughts start to creep in. We ask ourselves, "Am I unlovable?" or "Am I not enough?" and suddenly it feels like there's something we need to change just to be noticed.

But Miss Universe 2018 Catriona Gray points out that we tend to tie our singlehood to our self-worth, when in reality, they are two completely different things. In a recent episode of their collab podcast 2 Steps Back, she sits down with her bestie Nicole Cordoves to unpack how moments of loneliness can easily turn into insecurity.

"How do we place our worth? Is it always going to be anchored in the way that we're pursued or liked or crushed upon or just feeling desired in general?" Catriona asked.

Like it or not, most of us have been there at some point. Rejection already hurts, but not being pursued at all can hit even deeper. As Nicole put it, "It's such a good feeling to be chosen by someone outside of yourself."

Still, both of them emphasized one thing: you have to choose yourself first. Instead of seeing singlehood as a phase of loneliness, Catriona reframes it as an "equipping season."

"It is easy to see this as a season of lack...as of a season of, like, maybe I'm the problem. I'm not lovable you know or you can see it as this is an opportunity for me to learn more about myself, invest into myself."

At its core, the equipping season is about self-discovery—figuring out your preferences, your personality, even the hobbies you genuinely enjoy. "I think there's a joy in wanting to do it for yourself. It's just an extra bonus that someone will benefit from that later on," she added.

And even if that "someone" doesn't come right away, the growth still stays with you. "At least you gained a new skill… found new hobbies, or met new friends. There's so much to be gained from the investment of self."

The two also encourage listeners to use this time to build a stronger sense of self. As Nicole said, "It's easy to get lost in love," especially when you enter a relationship without fully knowing yourself first.

Taking your time allows you to develop mental strength, which matters when you're navigating relationships. Nicole explained that when your confidence isn't steady, even small comments can feel personal. "It's a hit on you instead of just a simple critique from your partner."

Catriona added that knowing yourself changes how you approach dating altogether. "You know what you like, what you don't like, what your non-negotiables are… it allows you to really discern if this person is worth investing time into."

It also helps you avoid settling. You're not choosing someone just because they're available, but because they actually align with what you want and need. Nicole powerfully reminded us, "You're not a bargain."

Of course, even with all the mindset shifts, insecurities can still sneak in. Catriona and Nicole admitted that being in their thirties and seeing peers settle down can sometimes trigger comparison.

"We allow ourselves to feel, like, tish. But since we have a support system, after a call, we feel better about it. Someone helps you shift your perspective about yourself," said Nicole.

Having the right people around you can also expand how you see happiness. Catriona recalled how she once imagined traveling the world only with a partner, but a recent girl-trip with Nicole changed that.

While hiking somewhere in Europe, she had a realization: "I was actually really thinking, oh, Lord, I really thought that I would only find joy in doing this with a partner. And yet here I am with my best friend and I find so much joy in sharing this with her."

At the end of the day, it really comes down to perspective—how you choose to see your life in the season you're in. More than waiting for someone to choose you, the real question is: are you choosing yourself?

Because single doesn't mean lacking. And it definitely doesn't mean unlovable. You can stream "S2 Ep. 8: The Quiet Insecurity of Never Being Pursued" from the 2 Steps Back Podcast on Spotify.