A lot of the sex scenes from Fifty Shades Freed elicit a resounding "hell no" from me. Sorry, but I just don't find sex in a meadow erotic. Ticks, anyone?! But a select few are actually worth a shot if you're feeling brave, or have run out of shows to binge. Below, five BDSM-ish positions that will probably make your inner goddess do a backflip or something.
Chain of Fools
Try this bondage position Christian and Ana get busy with on their honeymoon. You'll need two sets of handcuffs and the ability to check your dignity at the
door,because it's highly possible you will feel like a tied up turkey.
Affix a pair of handcuffs to each ankle, then cuff your left ankle to your left hand, and your right ankle to your right hand. You should be curled up like a ball, at the whim of your partner who is hopefully less vindictive than Christian. You can lean back and have them enter from a kneeling position in front of you, or experiment with how it feels on your side. Kinky fuckery, indeed.
In the world of Fifty Shades, Ana gets off from even the slightest nipple graze. (Oh, to be wealthy and fictional). And while nipple-only orgasms might sound impossible, they're actually A Thing. To try your luck, have your partner assume a seated position. Straddle them topless, getting your breasts level with their mouth. They can lick, suck, touch, and squeeze to your liking. If this doesn't work (sorry!), hop on top of their peen and go for an orgasm the old-fashioned way.
It was really only a matter of time before E.L. James ventured into butt stuff. To try out a butt plug for yourself, choose a body safe option with a flared base. Assume the doggy-style position and have your partner insert the toy s l o w
l y. If it's feeling good, they can penetrate you vaginally from this position, reaching a hand around to touch your clit, too. This is probably the only time it's a good idea to take a page out of Ana and Christian's book: start small and use lots of lube.
In the book, Christian uses a wand-style vibrator on Ana to "punish" her, basically denying her an orgasm to the point of torture. IRL, wand vibrators are the ~shit~ and can be used for pleasure, not pain.
Here's how: do this one with a partner who actually wants you to orgasm. If you want to give up some control, try tying your hands behind your back or over your head. Lean up against a surface and let your partner press the vibrator against your vag. Tell them how much pressure to use and make lots of eye contact. No one stops or gets untied until you finish.
The Couch Crouch
Of all the Fifty Shades Freed sex scenes, this might be the hottest. Using whatever type of restraints you may have around (in the book, Christian uses bathrobe ties), have your partner secure your knees to both arms of a couch, so your legs are completely open. Feel free to gently massage your clitoris while your partner watches. When you're sufficiently warmed up, command your partner to go down on you until you say when. You're basically a queen on a couch throne.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.