8 Guys On The Weirdest Places They Ever Masturbated

'I did it at my great-grandma’s wake.'
PHOTO: istockphoto
  1. “I rented a beach house with friends one summer and I woke up at dawn, really, and everyone else was still asleep. So I went out to the beach alone with some iced coffee and just relaxed. I was kind of half asleep and there was no one else out there. I figured, “alright, why not?” and did it under my towel. Then I ran into the ocean to clean up. Afterwards, I noticed some old beachcomber down the beach a ways but I don’t think he saw me.” — William, 28
  2. “This is pretty gnarly looking back, but I was uh, in an altered state at Bonnaroo and went into one of the port-a-potties and jerked off. I think everyone thought I was pooping. But I was honestly just too horny to function and it seemed like a great idea at the time. In sober hindsight, it makes me dry-heave.” — Devin, 28
  3. “I was on a long road trip. It was late at night and I figured why not? So I did it in my car while driving. It was a very long and lonely road.” — Mike, 29
  4. “I guess outside while camping. It’s weird knowing that like, you’re outside, and even though no one can see you and you’re really in private, your brain is still going, ‘oh no, this is wrong.’” — Lucas, 24  
  5. “In church the morning of my wedding. I guess in some senses, this is more weird emotionally than anything else, but there was a room with a lock for the groom to hang out in before the wedding and I had a bathroom and I just… I guess I was worried about getting a boner so I did it in there before changing into my tux.” — Brian, 29
  6. “I did it at my great-grandma’s wake. It was at my parent’s house and I was young and my hormones were insane and I snuck upstairs and did it, but it’s something I think back on and go, ‘Why did you ever think that was a good idea?’” — Alex, 27
  7. “Well, I had gone on a week long camping trip with other people. And you know that feeling where you’re just like, ‘Fuck. I won’t be able to get off for a whole week?’ Like, you get that urge where you really need to do it? And it’s made so much worse because you can’t? I wound up doing it face down in my sleeping back in a tent on day five. My friends don’t know. They can never know.” — Dean, 28
  8. “You know, looking back on it, puberty was weird. I can’t believe I ever masturbated in the same house as my parents so often. They had to have known. I would never do that now.” — Marc, 26
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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