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Here Are All Of His Tinder Messages, Decoded

'Hey' can mean a lot of things.
PHOTO: Cosmopolitan

1. "Hey."

At first glance, this one is easy to dismiss. It's entirely possible that this just means he's lazy and doesn't want to put forth the effort. Maybe he's a serial swiper just playing the numbers game and messaging "hey" to everyone. It’s entirely possible that "hey" (and any derivatives, i.e. "hi," "what's up," etc.) is a reflection of a boring, low-effort potential match. But consider this: In a sense, it's also a gatekeeping mechanism. He's making sure you like him enough to respond no matter what. Sure, you might think that only those "worthy" matches will deliver a strikingly adorable yet witty opening line, but frankly, that's short-sighted. That's like hoping that every person you meet in real life is going to be some rom-com meet-cute. Sometimes you meet the person of your dreams in a totally average way. "Hey" might not be the best intro, but don't dismiss it right away. He could be aloof, but he might also just be trying to cut through the B.S. and be down-to-earth. You'll probably find out in three more messages which one it is anyway.

2. A GIF or a meme. 

This really hinges on two factors: how much you like (or dislike) memes, and the quality of said meme. He's making some kind of effort, so he gets credit there. But frankly, if he comes at you with some "Cash Me Outside" nonsense or Salt Bae garbage, just unmatch him. You are a woman of the world and you deserve fresh, wild memes. If he's coming at you with something you haven't seen before, he's obviously a stand-up guy. Don't let low-effort crap slide. Although, obviously, if you hate memes, you're just going to think he's a weirdo, so whatever.

3. A really, really well crafted and hilarious opening line. 

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This could be a sign of an expert-level scammer. Here's how you can tell. Step 1: copy + paste. Step 2: Google it. Step 3: Check and make sure this isn't something he got off the internet. Either the dude is witty as hell and deserves a reply, or he's a hack. If you think he's cute and it made you laugh though … maybe … maybe … you’re better off not knowing.

4. A plea to check out this cam site or mobile game. 

He's a robot. Try not to fall in love with him.


5. A pun or joke involving your name/occupation/something else in your profile.

Your first instinct might be to cringe, and that's fine. But consider this: he took the time to actually look at your profile. He came up with something just for you. This means he's obviously into you enough to not only message you, but to think long and hard on it.

6. A solicitation for sex. 

This is pretty straightforward. He wants sex ... surprise! If it's gross, block him immediately. But if it's a polite request, it could be that this guy is just really pragmatic—he's being up front to ensure that neither one of you is wasting your time. And that's considerate. Kind of? Eh, still block him.

7. Quotes from a movie or TV show. 

He's at least a little nerdy, but he's banking on you thinking that's endearing. That, and he also thinks you're nerdy enough to identify the quote. Is it original? Nah. Do people bond over shared nerd-loves all the time? Yep.

8. Just straight-up asks you out with a date planned. 

The guy is ballsy. He takes risks. He's proactive. That, or his other Tinder date just canceled on him.

9. Nothing. 

He either swiped right on a bunch of people in a row or he's scared. Feel free to message him "hey" and see what happens.

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10. Anything on this list, except a week after you match at 2 a.m. on a Friday. 

This dude is thirsty. That is all.

Follow Frank on Twitter.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.