How would you feel about your ex dating one of your closest friends? It happens more often than we think: couple breaks up, guy or girl seeks comfort from ex’s friend, ex and friend develop feelings for each other, and before you know it, a new relationship blossoms.
It’s not an easy situation to be in for all parties involved. No matter what happens, someone is bound to get hurt. Friendships will be tested and motives will be questioned, and it can ultimately lead to the end of more than one relationship.
We’ve all seen how it plays out in shows and movies, but does it really work the same way IRL? Here are some factors to take into consideration:
Scenario 1: Your ex and your friend secretly get together behind your back.
It has only been a few weeks or months since your breakup and you find out that your ex has already moved on…to your best friend. The worst part? Neither of them told you about it. It was completely out of the blue and the only reason you found out about it is because another friend dropped the bomb on you.
Our take: This is a big no-no. You have every right to be angry because two people you trusted betrayed you by not telling you about their budding relationship. The fact that they hid it from you instead of just being upfront about it shows that they don’t respect your friendship enough to be honest. We’re not saying it’s an easy thing to do. It definitely takes a lot of guts and you have to be prepared for the worst, but isn’t that better than lying to someone you love and care about? Take responsibility for your actions and own up to your decisions. Ask yourself: is this relationship really worth losing your friend for?
Scenario 2: Your ex and/or your friend talk to you about it before getting together.
You always knew that your ex and your friend got along, even while you were still together. They share the same values, interests, and hobbies, so it’s not surprising that they would gravitate towards each other. Although they know the spark is there, they don’t want to do anything about it until they know you’re okay with it.
Our take: This is a better way to deal with the situation. It’s always best to be honest because it shows that they still value your friendship. Although it lessens the blow, it doesn’t make it any easier. It all boils down to the kind of friendship you had. If you were best friends to the point that you were practically sisters, then it’s still not okay. Hoes over bros always, remember? You appreciate that they had the decency to tell you about it, but it’s still wrong and it’s natural to feel upset.
But if your friend is merely your kabarkada (close enough, but not super close), the news might be easier to take. If you’ve moved on completely and you know they will be happy together, then let them be. You can’t force two people apart out of selfishness or bitterness. It might take a while for your friendship to go back to normal, and things will probably be awkward for a while, but at least they have your blessing.
Scenario 3: Your ex and your friend get together a year or more after you breakup.
At this point, both you and your ex have moved on with your lives and are civil with each other. You might even still be good friends. He starts having feelings for your best friend or kabarkada, but they don’t know if you will be okay with it even if it has been a while since you broke up.
Our take: One year is enough time to leave the past behind. If you’re in a good place, don’t concern yourself with old feelings and memories. You can see that your ex and your friend genuinely like/love each other, so be happy for them. Just because you dated once upon a time doesn’t mean he’s yours to keep forever. Let him go and allow him to start a life with someone else. If that someone else is your friend and you know it’s the real deal, accept it. Life is too short to hold on to grudges.