1. We can’t assume couples are happy or are #goals just because they gush about each other publicly.
Remember when we all said Chris Pratt and Anna Faris were #RelationshipGoals? They were married for eight years, and many of us saw videos of them being all sweet and cute, like this one:
Now as much as I’m a cynic, I don’t want to be the cynic and say that all the things Pratt and Faris said of each other or how they even behaved in front of the cameras were scripted. That’s even rash since I don’t have proof.
What I can say, though, and what we can all agree on is this: Public life is one thing, and private life another. Celebrities are people too, so they also have their public and private lives—no matter how good they are at blurring the line between the two. There are things that happen behind closed doors that we don’t see: fights, cold treatments, snarky remarks, etc. And as celebrities, they do put up a front for the public. Apart from maybe sincerely wanting their relationship to work, it’s also in their best interest to put up a front, like to create buzz about their upcoming movie or to get more followers and fans.
We may not feel the great divide of public and private lives as much as celebrities do, but that doesn’t mean we don’t experience that as well. Don’t we behave differently when other people are watching (or when we think they are)?
Putting up a front especially applies to our Facebook friends who write open letters to their SOs for us to see, or brag about their relationship on social media. There are a bunch of studies that state that it’s actually those couples who are headed for trouble. The happy ones are too busy living their happy lives to prove they got it good.
That said, we can’t ever accurately say our favorite celebrity couples are #RelationshipGoals—not even Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan, or Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively.
2. Truth prevails in matters of the heart.
There really comes a point when issues in the relationship become too much to bear. And these will haunt the relationship until the couple find a way to tend to these somehow.
While it sucks that some people feel suffocated or deceive themselves about being with “the one,” there’s good news. No matter how much they’re in denial or put up a facade for the world, good people will be honest with themselves about their partners sooner or later.
3. Even couples who’ve been together for years—whether just dating or are actually married—can break up.
Long-running relationships are the stuff of heaven for some people. Couples who’ve been together for so long have surely overcome old insecurities and many challenges, and they have learned to love and support each other more deeply.
Still, we can’t ignore the fact that the individuals who make the pair lead their own lives and can change for the worse due to their or their partner’s successes or failures. (Read: jealousy and resentment.) New issues spring up too, like infidelity. Or tragedy comes and makes the lovers build a wall between each other. All these rock the relationship and threaten to end it. And it will end if the issues go unresolved.
4. Love isn’t always enough to keep you and your partner together.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt getting a divorce broke a lot of hearts. But as a mom, Jolie did what she had to do for her kids if the child abuse allegations against Pitt were true, and considering that her spouse has had a drinking problem.
If you already have a family together, there are other things and people at stake, because it’s not just about you and your partner anymore. That said, love between you guys doesn’t mean you’ll make it through a lifetime, especially if the other loved ones are somehow compromised.
5. The best way to deal with a breakup in public: Say nothing at all or be polite.
Celebs dissing their exes make for great popcorn time for us. (Thanks for the entertainment, Taylor! You too, Calvin Harris.) But to be honest, talking shit about your ex in public isn’t the wisest, classiest, and most mature way of dealing with the breakup. While it makes your ex look bad, you also give yourself a bad impression for being vengeful or spilling things said to you in confidence.
Thankfully, some celebs are #BreakupGoals for being kind to their exes or being supportive of them. Consider Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone, and Angelica Panganiban with John Lloyd Cruz. They might just be doing a publicity stunt, but at least it makes them look like really good people or exes.
Personally, I like how Paramore’s Hayley Williams revealed her split with New Found Glory frontman Chad Gilbert, her husband of one year (and her partner for nearly 10 years). In an Instagram post (which has already been deleted) last July, Hayley wrote “[Chad and I] want to publicly state—plainly, and only this time—that we are splitting up…Hopefully you’ll understand that the personal aspects of what we are going through are not for anyone else to carry…To allow people any further into this moment in our lives would be to dishonor our history together and our ability to move forward with integrity.”
There’s so much wisdom in Williams’ words. She says that getting over breakups need to be done without the public watching and talking about the split because that potentially puts the former flames in an awkward place, aggravates the pain they’re feeling, and corrupts the relationship they had if the publicity gets ugly.