The term "emotionally unavailable" gets thrown around a lot when women talk about men, but sadly, that's usually because it's an accurate descriptor. Obviously, there are emotionally unavailable women out there too, but guys who can't seem to open up or really commit to you at all seem to be as plentiful as juice boxes in a kindergarten class. Here are 10 signs you're dating one of these guys right now.
1. He complains about his exes a lot.
Everyone has some baggage attached to their exes, but if your guy talks about his exes like everything that went wrong in the relationship was their fault, that's a red flag. Sure, maybe everything was their fault, but it's also possible that he can't take responsibility for anything he did, which doesn't bode well for your emotional well-being.
2. He doesn't have many super-close friends.
If he talks about how close he is with his friends but can only seem to show up for them when things are going great, he's not actually that close with them. Plus, that's a sign he'll probably only be there for you when your life is perfect and not when it gets hard. Not cool.
3. He never really makes firm plans with anyone.
Everyone has stuff come up in their lives that makes them have to cancel plans, but if this guy is always canceling or can never give you a firm "I'll be there," he doesn't want to invest any time in anything. I'm guessing that will extend to your relationship too.
4. He just got out of a relationship.
Even if they only dated a few months, that doesn't mean his insides don't look mangled and full of ice cream binges. So even if he's just the slightest bit emotionally unavailable right now, that still isn't fair to you.
5. He's moving super fast sexually.
Look, maybe you're also looking to bone ASAP, and if so, I support you. However, guys who are looking to hop into bed within five minutes of knowing you could very well be emotional deserts. Emotionally unavailable people often have no problem with casual sex but all the problems with slowing the eff down and talking about real shit. Just something to keep in mind.
6. He's only around when he feels like it.
If your guy only seems to pop up when it's 2 a.m. and he feels like chatting (and then makes excuses as to why he can't be there for you when youneed it), hello, emotional issues! His needs = more important than your needs = no.
7. He straight-up says he's not ready to have a relationship.
He might follow this up with "but I want to try with you," or something like that, but he still said he probably couldn't do it. Believe him.
8. He's a perfectionist in every way.
I'm a perfectionist for sure, but with that said, dating someone who needs things to be absolutely perfect or else they're basically garbage could spell trouble. For some perfectionists, that obsession can easily translate to "I'm looking for one reason, any reason to not commit to you." Chances are they'll probably find that relatively dumb reason and peace so fast.
9. He comes on really strong and then disappears like a ghost.
Maybe he physically sticks around, but you can tell some part of his emotional or sexual interest has definitely left the building. If he can't be consistent, it's likely he has #problems you can't work through together. Because he needs a therapiiiiiiist.
10. He always seems like he's holding back and you don't know why.
This one seems vague, but anyone who has ever dated someone who was emotionally unavailable knows exactly what I mean. If he seems like he wishes he could say something but he can't, or he knows something's wrong with him but can't find the words yet, run. He is not ready for yo shit.