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Stages of Valentine's Day, By Age

From all-consuming kilig to just, like, whatever.

AGE 11-13
I just saw that Samantha clutching a bunch of roses. Ugh, some girls are so lucky. Why can’t that ever happen to me? I wish my crush would give me roses. Or a love letter. Or a look. Anything, actually. I keep standing here, staring at him like an idiot, wishing he would even just talk to me on Valentine’s, and—oh God, he caught me looking at him. Can the earth please swallow me up now?

AGE 14 -16
It finally happened. My crush finally confessed that he likes me through a love letter. He even gave me roses! Just one actually, but that’s okay; I guess that’s all he can afford. And the love letter was just one page, too. Well, half a page actually, since he’s not really into writing. But I don’t care. I’m going to keep this rose, and this half-page, in that prized spot on my dresser. Forever.

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AGE 17-20
I’m so glad his dad let him use the car tonight. I enjoyed the dinner we had at that pizza place and the movie right after, but what happened later was even better. No, I won’t tell you. Okay, I’ll tell you. We parked somewhere dark and made out in his dad’s car. And did…stuff. *wink*

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AGE 21-23
I’ve spritzed, scrubbed, and waxed in all the right places. After dinner, it’s officially sex o’clock.

AGE 24-26
We’re both pretty busy with work, but yeah, we’ll make time for a date. Somewhere I can dress up and sip wine and enjoy an eight-course meal is a nice upgrade. I’m expecting a more expensive gift from the boyfie this time, too. It’s not like he’s still in college and penniless.

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AGE 27-28
Screw you, city, with your terrible Valentine’s Day traffic and fully-booked restaurants and giggly young couples parading around with huge bouquets and stuffed animals. We’re spending V-Day out of town, where we can have some peace and quiet. I just hope there aren’t any giggly young couples there.

AGE 29-30
Sure, I’ll be on a date tonight—a date with all this work. Sorry, honey, it looks like we’re going to have to reschedule that Valentine’s dinner. How does next month sound to you?

AGE 31 and above
Let’s just stay in. Valentine’s Day is just for kids, anyway. And it doesn’t matter what day it is—you know I love you every day.

Besides, we need to get up early for the kids tomorrow. So make it quick; we haven’t got all night.

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