The most useful thing to come out of your boyfriend’s mouth isn’t his tongue—it’s the sounds he makes. Find out just how revealing a man’s bedroom noises can be.
What he sounds like: “Ugh…ugh…ugh…ugh…ugh...ugggh”
What it means: This macho guy is intense and focused, if a little bland. “He’s goal-oriented and all business when it comes to making you climax,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, author of Pleasuring: The Secrets of Sexual Satisfaction. You see, all that he-man grunting indicates he’s worried about peaking before you reach your happy place. “Men may make that noise because they’re clenching their muscles and holding their breath, trying to stave off orgasm,” Fulbright says.
Your move: If you think he’s going caveman on you to stop himself from climaxing, “help him regain control by slowing the pace if you’re on top, or even stopping and just kissing for a few minutes,” says Fulbright. Wish he would say more? Encourage him to string together a few sexy phrases by asking questions like, “If you could do anything to me right now, what would it be?”
The Quiet Guy
What he sounds like: Just heavy breathing…or wait, is that the electric fan?
What it means: No surprise here: The radio silence signals that you’ve got yourself an inhibited dude between the sheets. “The silent type is all bottled up,” says sex expert Ava Cadell, author of Passion Power. “Men are raised to think keeping emotions in is a sign of strength, so it’s only natural for that to carry over into the bedroom.”
Your move: While you don’t want to be doing it with a babbler, it’s important for a guy to be comfortable with getting a little verbal, so you can both tell if you’re having a good time. Start out slowly by asking him yes or no questions. Whisper in his ear, “Do you like how this feels?” After he answers, moan a little and say, “It turns me on to hear how much you like it.” That way, he’ll start to connect making noise with exciting you, says Cadell.
What he sounds like: BTV–style narrator, e.g., “First, I’m going to lick right here, and then I’m going to…whoa, baby, your nipples are so hard!”
What it means: Believe it or not, this dude thinks he’s sexy-talking you to a big O. “Some men take the guys-should-communicate-more-in-bed tip to mean that women need a play-by-play to get off,” says Fulbright. Annoying, yes, but at least he’s trying (a little too hard) to stay connected with you.
Your move: To shut him up ASAP, use lots and lots of kissing. He’ll be none the wiser, and you’ll get the bonus of occupying his mouth. But after sex, you’re going to have to be straight with him. “This habit is difficult to fix with subtle hints,” says Fulbright. “Spin the conversation so it’s about you, not his seduction technique.” Tell him, “Everything you do feels so good, but I have a hard time climaxing unless I can concentrate on all the amazing ways you’re touching me.” Then, mention that it might help if you’re both a little more quiet during sex.
What he sounds like: “Ohhh my God, that’s hot...hooooly crap, you feel awesome.”
What it means: He’s turned on by being a little bit naughty in bed, and since his words are borderline dirty talk, he may have a kinkier side he’s keeping under wraps. “It’s likely this is his way of testing his own boundaries, as well as figuring out whether you would be comfortable with more,” says Cadell.
Your move: If you want to encourage him to loosen up and show more of his wild side, take it up a notch with more aggressive moves, like gently biting his shoulder if he’s on top of you, or running your fingernails down his back. “This clues him in to the fact that you’re craving naughtier action,” explains Cadell.
Prefer your sex without a side of Bible? Play the “do as I do” game, and only make noises like mmm and ohhh. “Mimicking you will help him break his habit, and his phrases will start to become less and less frequent,” says Fulbright.
The Superloud Moaner
What he sounds like: “OoooOOOHHHhhh!!!”
What it means: “This type of man is extremely sensual,” says Cadell. The only problem? He gets so wrapped up in his own pleasure, he forgets to pay attention to the sounds you are making to see if you’re having just as good of a time as he is.
Your move: You’ll need to be direct to get him to scale down the decibel level and listen up a little. Being subtle doesn’t work, since he’s in pleasure mode. When he’s mid-moan, playfully put a finger to his lips and say, “If you get any louder, our neighbors will complain about the noise.”
The Four-Letter-Word Lover
What he sounds like: “F*** yeah....Shit, that’s good.”
What it means: Your guy is definitely uninhibited, but he may be just as selfish as he is open to getting freaky. “Men who cuss do so because it excites them, and it may not have much to do with you,” says Fulbright. “They hear it so often in porn, it’s like they do it on instinct.” And, while a little rough talk is hot, a guy who takes his cues from porn—which typically focuses on the dude’s pleasure—may not be tuned in to your needs.
Your move: Wait until post-romp to bring it up, and then broach the subject by making a joke. “Your message will be clear, and it’s less likely he’ll take it personally,” says Fulbright. Try something like, “Wow, for a second there, I thought I was in a porn flick. When we get in the shower, I’m going to have to wash out your mouth with soap.” Then, level with him. “Explain that while occasional swearing is sexy, hearing it all the time is distracting,” says Fulbright. But, if you have a porno alter-ego, then you can show the amateur how it’s done.