1. How many things do you keep in there? It's like a veritable Mary Poppins bag full of surprises. It doesn't even make sense that you can fit things like makeup and your wallet in there along with a bag of trail mix and an entire bottle of wine.
2. Some purses are just giant wallets. It's like you took a wallet, and then made it too big to fit in a pocket. But it's also too small to hold anything that would warrant a larger-size wallet (like the aforementioned wine bottle). Why does that kind of purse exist? Why do you want that? It's the "jumbo universal remote" of purses.
3. Are they only that big because of tampons? In terms of practical stuff, that's the only reason to have something bigger than a wallet, until they invent wallet-size tampons that inflate when exposed to the air, which is probably something scientists are making a priority.
4. Since you have a purse, you can carry around all my stuff for me. If you have a boyfriend, and you have a purse, and your boyfriend has some things, it is a guarantee that those things are going in your purse.
5. What are your secrets? What are the things you keep in there that we don't know about?
6. I guess if I ever wanted a purse, I could just get a laptop bag. But if I don't put a laptop in it, does it just become a purse? Are purses defined by their name, or by their function? Is a purse with a laptop in it a laptop bag? Is everything just defined by what's inside them? Is it our bodies that make us human, or our consciousness? If we could transfer our consciousness and our brains and guts into a purse, would we then be a purse, or would the purse than be a person? Is personhood transferable, like the laptop?
*Please note: Out of all the things guys think about purses on this list, this is the one thing they think most often.
7. I can barely handle making sure my jeans and shirt don't make me look dumb. I couldn't handle accessorizing.
8. What happens if your lipstick opens up and lipsticks everything else in your purse? Then what happens? Do you just burn the purse and give up and start over? Maybe just start a new life somewhere else under a new name with a new identity?
9. DID YOU JUST PULL A SMALLER PURSE OUT OF A LARGER PURSE? Why? Why? Why not just use the big purse? Why are you doing this? Who are you?
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.