What’s that thing where you make the poor decision to do something that you used to be able to handle fine just to prove you can still handle it, and then next thing you know you’re puking in a cab? Oh right, shots.
2. Mass texts.
No, I don’t want to go to "Valk tanayt."
3. Talking on the phone.
When you and your high school best friend went to college, it was fun having the weekly two-hour phone call to share each other's #NewExperiences. Now it’s just like, fuck you, text me, why must I use my voice.
4. Staying out late.
I’m still young! I’m still young! I’m still y—Aaaand I’m asleep at the bar.
5. Eating shitty/hedonistically.
Because pizza every day is delicious, and back then maybe a very greasy diet did not feel like death. But now you have an old(er) person’s digestive system and metabolism. Some late-twentysomethings still have iron stomachs, and power to them, but I cannot have Mcdo and instant noodles dinners everyday like I used to.
6. Being bored/GChatting all day at work.
Yes, being bored is better than feeling like you are literally in stress-hell. But having that desk 9 to 5 where you have nothing to do but endlessly check social media actually makes the day feel so long. This is a hack you’ve figured out by now. Bring on the work.
Remember in college when you fell madly in lust with that guy who thought he was an ~*ahrtist*~? If you met that guy now you would see an insecure boy trying too hard to have his sense of superiority validated.
8. Bitching about your parents.
Your parents, or at least one of your parents, is awesome. You did not know this until you realized recently that you are turning into your mom and it’s actually kind of great.
9. Camping out in one of those nerdy overnight lines for a concert or a store opening.
No one has time for that.
10. Fast food fourthmeal after a party.
See No. 5.
11. Da Club.
I can listen to EDM and despise humanity in my own house, for free, without heels.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.