Frenemy - (n) someone who is a friend but also a rival or someone you dislike
1. She's your go-to person when adult things get to you, but she doesn't say the words you want to hear. You have a crisis about, say, whether or not you should leave your corporate job and do something creative for a living. You bring it up with her and she just tells you to stick to it because it's the only way you can get a lot of money. Not to mention that the stable income will make sure you have food on the table. Now that's all true but you also need her to be supportive of other life plans, or just imagine another life plan with you. You just want to know if it's truly doable at this point.
2. Whenever she says "Ikaw bahala" but never ever means it. She's said it many times to you. Back when you wanted to date your bad-boy crush in high school, back when you wanted to have your first barkada outing without supervision, back when you were choosing which course to take for college and which university to go to. And in all those times she never really meant that the choice was up to you. It was her way of making you feel guilty if you did choose what you wanted, and her way of coercing you to do what she wants. Thanks for the lie, Ma.
3. She says the most unnecessary things, and these can be embarrassing or hurtful AF. All those times she told you how to look, walk, talk, sit, stand? Sure, they made you acceptable to society, but you wish she didn't tell you that you had really wide hips, fat legs, or veiny, ugly hands. She made you so self-conscious that you became shy in your teens, and you still can't stop scrutinizing your body until now.
4. She tells you what to do and makes sure you do it because she doesn't want you to make the same mistakes she made when she was your age. You know your mom means well, but she can't seem to understand that your lives are different and that you have to live your own. It's hard to appreciate her good intentions when she makes your choices for you. It's like she's living your life for you, too. And that's pretty unfair on your part. The best she could do is to warn you, explain things to you, lay out the different possible scenarios that can happen from the options you have.
5. She's overprotective of you that you pretty much have no life outside the house. Very, very applicable especially in those days you were still in school. You couldn't sleep over or have your friends sleep at your place, your curfew was 7 p.m., you had to wait 'til college to date a guy but when you were in college she made you wait 'til you graduated, you couldn't go out of town with your friends. She's worried about your safety, as any mom in the right mind would be. But the deprivation makes you feel like a caged bird. You feel bored and suffocated at home, and it doesn't help that you see people's photos of their adventures on your Facebook feed.
If you're the headstrong type, you would've told lies and snuck out. The thing is, you hate that you have to lie, especially if something goes wrong and you need to turn to her. When you're out you can hardly enjoy it because you're paranoid she'll find out where you really are and whom you're with. And her non-stop calling isn't helping!
6. She treats or spoils you sometimes, but on some days she's just a big bitch and will order you around and get mad at you over the smallest things. You don't get what's going on in her mind. Is it the menopause? Is she just being a mom? Why did she cook your favorite food, buy you some clothes, but is now yelling at you for having a messy room? And it's not like your room is even messy. She just rearranged your things yesterday! WTF?
7. She lets you use the things in the house but tells you to pay her back or to replace it. That toilet paper you got from the pantry, the pack of napkins, the wrapping paper you got—you have to buy the exact brand of that thing to replace the one you used. So much for doing the grocery for everyone at home?
8. She uses your things without permission. That "ugh" moment when you see her carrying YOUR BAG and you're just speechless because HOW COULD SHE.
9. She snoops through your things. Your mom goes to your room to clean it or to rearrange the furniture whenever she feels like it (and when you're not at home)—which is frustrating enough. And then she's going to see your journal and she's going to want to read it because she wants to know what's going on in your life to feel connected with you. THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S DONE! It's total invasion of privacy, and more often than not she's going to use what she's read against you.
10. She makes you eat all the fattening food in the house. And it's not like you want to eat them, but she forces you to do it or else sayang. Why does it have to be you? You can't help wondering if she's secretly trying to make you fat so she looks slim, or so that she's not the only one who's round in the family.
11. She makes you break up with the guy you're dating. It's normal if she doesn't like the guy you love. But when she angrily tells you to break it off, or when she just gives you the cold shoulder and takes advantage of how an obedient daughter you are so that you leave the guy and your mom-daughter bond is restored—it's just too much. Too wrong. You know she's looking out for you and wants the best for you. But did she even try to get to know the guy? Are her peeves about the guy even reasonable? NOPE.
12. She tells you to guard your heart. She's told you to make sure the guy you'll marry should love you more than you love him. She's told you to give the guy a hard time, play hard to get, play games with his heart. That's how things were done in her youth, and it's supposed to make the women know how much the guy likes her and to make him like her even more. She's warned you, "easy come, easy go."
But you don't want the games; you want love. Why can't a guy and a girl love each other the same amount? What's wrong if a girl loved her guy more? Nothing will guarantee that a guy will stay with his girl, even if he courted her for more than a year. And so what if a guy dumped you? Sure, it would hurt but it's not like your world will end. This dating advice of hers, if you're following it, is keeping you from loving someone wholeheartedly, the way a person should be loved. That's got to cripple your relationship.
Any other mom issues you want to share? Let us know by posting a comment below!