1. The tiniest blemish is magnified 100x. Your skin is so fair that when you do get any sort of discoloration (i.e., a zit), it's like placing it under a spotlight. Fun.
2. You can look chubby when you’re really not. People who are tan or have dark skin just look fitter. It’s got something to do with the shadows, so their muscles look a lot more defined—even if they didn’t have muscles in the first place.
3. You’re the white figure with red eyes thanks to camera flashes. OMG IS THAT A GHOST?! Ha. Ha.
4. Without makeup, people think you’re sick. People wonder if you’re anemic, nauseous, or dizzy. Your face is just…white. And your lips are kind of light-colored, too. You know, like you drank vinegar or something.
5. Vampire jokes abound. No thanks to the Twilight series.
6. People say you’re pale. Your skin is not pale. It’s porcelain and beautiful.
7. People tease you that you’ve had enough alcohol when your cheeks turn pink. You just have the Asian flush. It means your body’s faster at metabolizing alcohol than other people’s. Meaning, you’re barely buzzed. Meaning, you can SO have another round of drinks.
8. People think you don’t do anything outdoorsy. Because your skin is so fair it’s like you spend so much time indoors pampering yourself. Little do they know you hiked last weekend.
9. Sometimes you worry about shade and the time of day. You’ll be under the sun at noontime? Is the festival at an open field? Will there be tents? If you bring an umbrella, will you be the only one holding it up? Should you just wear long sleeves to protect your skin from the sun? But you won’t be able to show off your hot bod! What about your face? A cap? How ’90s. Is there such a thing as SPF 1,000? Let me know. Thanks.
10. When you put on sunblock, walk under the shade, or carry an umbrella, people call you maarte and judge and insult you. They don’t realize that your skin gets burned fast, and they don’t know just how much the sunlight STINGS you. They don’t know fair skin is more sensitive, hence more prone to skin damage. And okay, they call you maarte, but one day they’ll regret not taking good care of their skin.
11. You can’t get a tan. Post-beach trip: OMG, I actually turned a little brown! Three days later: Dammit, I'm peeling already!
12. People tell you that you need to get a tan. First of all, fair skin gets FRECKLES, SUN SPOTS, and MOLES from prolonged sun exposure, not a tan. Second, people don’t find you telling them to put on some whitening cream—why? Because it’s wrong to just tell people they NEED to be brown or white or yellow like they’re lacking or flawed in some way.
13. You can’t tell people flat out that they’re probably just jealous that you effing GLOW. Because it’s evil to add insult to injury, right? Right.
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